


Verboten

by get_up_danny_boy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Bottom!Dan, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Dan Howell - Freeform, Daniel Howell - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Smut, Phandom - Freeform, Phil Lester - Freeform, Philip lester - Freeform, dnp, homophobia trigger warning, phanfic, self harm trigger warning, top!phil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-14 11:24:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15387717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/get_up_danny_boy/pseuds/get_up_danny_boy
Summary: Dan Howell had recently come out to his parents which very much blew up in his face resulting in him being sent to a boarding school to be “fixed”. There, he meets a boy named Phil who’d been there for much longer than he has and was known to be somebody who got into trouble a lot but had been controlling himself recently.To Dan’s luck, Phil is his new roommate and has no idea what he gets himself into until later on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This phanfiction is a written by two people.  
> Writer for Dan: @ineffabledaniel (on Tumblr)  
> Writer for Phil: @get-up-danny-boy (on Tumblr)

Dan should have known it was a bad idea to come out to his catholic parents. He had never really got along with one another, he hoped maybe that doing that would let them know more about him? About why he’s a certain way?   
No. Not the case.   
He was now arriving at the new boarding school where he’d be converted and ‘fixed’. Yay.   
He arrived early to speak to the headteacher who simply looked down at him, scoffed and gave him his room key. He was told where the room is and the name of his roommate. Phil Lester.   
While walking to the room, he saw some students walking around. They looked.. Happy? Hopefully it was that. After a little bit of a walk, he entered a hallway which was apparently the one to hold his room. Once he got to the room, number 15, he knocked on it, just in case, before opening it, where he saw the student he was to be bunking with. 

 

“Hi, my names Dan, are you Phil?” He asked, hoping the room wasn’t wrong. 

Phil had been on his phone the whole time after therapy, which hadn’t been going well ever since he got here. Everyone knew that, not just him. That made him kind of a problem in the boarding school but he didn’t mind that much. That’s when he heard a knock on the door and raised his head from the bed he laid on and spotted a boy he’d never seen before which meant he was new. He was very attractive and him being Phil’s roommate made things even better. He smiled gently at him and nodded.

“Hello. Yeah, I am. You’re new here, I’m guessing? I haven’t seen you before.” He replied, sitting up straight and then stretched. 

Dan nodded as he placed his bags down on his bed. He looked around the room and sat down. That’s when he looked at his roommate properly. He surely was handsome. His hair fell in such a soft way and his features were carved perfectly. Damn. 

“Yeah, I just came in today.” He smiled. “I’m not too excited really.” That’s when he rolled his eyes and sighed.

Phil chuckled lightly and nodded, shrugging a little. “Yeah, it isn’t really that exciting to begin with. You’ll get used to it though.” He said, smiling at him. “Maybe you’ll even like it here? I’m a fun roommate, if I do say so myself!” He joked, now sitting on the bed in a way that one leg was on it and the other was hanging off. 

“Hmm, well I’ll take your word for it.” Dan chuckled, sighing. “It better be fun here. I swear.” He added.   
Standing up, he turned to his bags and started to unpack, piling up his clothes, toiletries and other necessities in certain piles. He started to put his clothes away first, just something to do. 

“Well...The people here are alright. You shouldn’t have a problem with them or worry about them.” Phil said, getting up from his bed and walked over to Dan. He learned that Dan was shorter than him - not by that much but still shorter. It was cute. “Do you need any help unpacking?” He asked, scanning over the items that Dan had sectioned out in piles and then looked at him with a friendly smile. 

Dan looked over at Phil and nodded a little, smiling small.   
“I mean, if it’s not a problem?” He asked softly as he continued to put clothes away in an orderly manner like he would back home. 

“It isn’t.” Phil replied with a smile and began to help Dan unpack and put his clothes away. 

The thing was that in this boarding school, you were brought here to get “fixed”. You were brought here because you were the human embodiment of a sin and it was time to be cleansed of your supposed evil. All the boys that were brought here had their coming out experience blow up in their faces, resulting in them being thrown out and disowned for the time being until they’d been “cured”.  
Phil had been in this boarding school for a while now, and being the stubborn gay that he was, he wasn’t leaving any time soon. But why?  
Because he slept with every single boy who he interacted with. Which resulted in them being caught. That had happened many, many times, until the last time it happened, Phil was threatened with a more.. Extreme form of therapy. One that would supposedly rid him of his homosexuality for good. He actually did care about the threat and had been able to control himself.

That was until Dan arrived, of course. Now, he didn’t care at all. 

They continued to put all of Dan’s things away for a while until it was all in its own places. Dan sat down with an exasperated sigh, leaning against the wall his bed was beside.   
“So,” He started. “Tell me about yourself. If we’re gonna ‘live’ with one another for a while I may as well know you right?” He chuckled lightly. 

Phil sat down next to Dan and looked at him, smiling a little as he listened to him speak. How long has it been since Dan had been in the room with him? Twenty minutes maybe?   
Twenty minutes and Phil was already heavily attracted to him. It was Dan’s first day, so he decided to take it easy on him and try not to flirt.   
“Uh, well, what do you wanna know?” He asked with a chuckle. 

Dan shrugged. “Anything! Surprise me.” He joked a little. “Tell me facts, info, anything you want. How old are you? What’s your favourite colour? Anything!” He hummed.   
He turned his body a little so he could look at Phil better. Taking a minute to examine him again, he got lost in his eyes. Why is he attracted to this boy already? It hadn’t even been that long! Calm down, Dan. 

Phil giggled and nodded. “Okay, alright.” He said, smiling. He hummed as he thought of what to tell him. “Well, I’m seventeen. My favorite color’s blue..I think. I like colors in general, don’t really have a favorite one. Erm..I came out to my parents when I was fifteen so I’ve been here ever since. Don’t really talk to them anymore and when I do all they ask me is if I’m still gay.” He chuckled dryly. “I’m not really that interesting. I was lying when I said I was fun.” He shrugged and laughed a little. 

Dan rolled his eyes and laughed softly, shaking his head. He rested his head on the wall and yawned a bit.   
“Oh damn.” He nodded. “I came out last week - should have known it was a terrible idea.” Is what he added.   
“What are your hobbies? I hope to have something in common.”

“We don’t know that it’s a terrible idea until we actually do it. It’s not our fault though. It’s our parents’. Shouldn’t have had any kids if they didn’t want them to possibly turn out gay.” He said and shrugged, sighing. “Oh, um, sorry. I didn’t mean to ramble about it.” He chuckled a bit embarrassingly.   
He thought about his hobbies.   
Was having sex a hobby?   
Of course he wasn’t going to say that! God, Phil.   
“And video games..I used to draw a bit but I kind of stopped. I lost motivation, I guess. I still have my sketch book somewhere here.” He said, looking around the room and then back to Dan. He was so pretty to look at. Breathtaking, really. “I used to bake. Stopped when I came here.” He shrugged. “A lot of things stopped when I came here.” He paused before things became too depressing.   
“What about you?” 

“That sucks.” Is what Dan first said. It did suck. Just because these kids were gay, didn’t mean they should have to give up on all they have.   
“Uhm…” He thought. “I liked video games too, music, art.” He said, shrugging. “All things I’ve done since I was younger.” He explained. 

“Music? You play an instrument?” Phil asked, smiling as he spoke. “They do have a music classroom here, so you can still work on your music skill if you want.” He said. “Also it turns out we do have a few things in common!” 

“Piano.” Dan nodded, smiling widely. “We do!” He said happily. Phil seemed nice, calm and fun. This shouldn’t be that bad then, right? Hopefully not. 

“That’s cool! Could you play for me sometime? It’s been a while since I’ve heard someone play.” Phil said and chuckled a little. 

Dan nodded, chuckling gently. “Of course, whenever you’d like.” He agreed.   
“What’re your favourite subjects?” He then asked as a follow up. 

Phil thought a little. “English is alright I guess. I’m not a big fan of the scientific subjects. We have a shit ton of religion hours though which sucks. They’re all so boring.” He said, rolling his eyes and sighing to just the thought of being forced to listen to things he didn’t care about. It’s not like he’d change his mind any time soon. He wouldn’t. It’s like forcing a straight person to stop being straight. You couldn’t really do that.   
“What are yours?” He asked, moving backwards to lean his back against the wall, turning his head to look at Dan. 

“Music - that’s a given - but I also like history and modern studies.” Dan shrugged a little. “I’m definitely not excited for the religious hours - I never liked doing R.E.” He explained. “Such a boring and biased class.”  
Dan ran his hand through his hair, looking at the time and hearing his stomach growl. 

“What time is dinner? I could do with some food before I sleep. I don’t wanna wake up late for breakfast.” He asked, to be sure. 

Phil listened to Dan speak and nodded silently at his words with a small smile. He leaned himself slightly forward and looked at the clock when Dan asked his question. “We have another thirty minutes before we go have dinner.” 

“Ah okay great.” Dan smiled and nodded.   
“Wait, speaking of, when is breakfast and when do lessons start? I was told all this in my induction but I just don’t remember - like at all.” He chuckled. Dan was never good with memory, this was just one of the times it wasn’t good. 

Phil chuckled and shook his head. “It’s alright. Ask me whatever you need to know.” He smiled. “Breakfast is at 7:00am. Classes are at eight. I usually wake up at 5:00am just to have time in case I forgot to do homework so I can just speed do it. Waking up at six is good too though.” 

Dan nodded slowly. “I’ll probably be up at 6.” He said. “I never do work in the morning because I manage to get it all done at night as I never do anything at night.” He shrugged. “Pretty boring, I know.”

“No that isn’t boring! I’m just irresponsible.” Phil said with a shrug, smiling a little. “Do you wanna shower before or after dinner? I suggest before dinner because after dinner is when all the hot water runs out which sucks.” 

Dan chewed his lower lip and nodded. “Yeah, that might be best.” He said, standing up and taking some comfy clothes and a towel out of his own belongings.   
He walked off to the showers and gets in. While in the shower, he got to think about what happened that day. One minute he was dreading the whole boarding school thing, the next he was roommates with someone super hot and kind.   
After his shower, he changed and walked back into the room, his towel sling over his shoulder.   
“Hi again.” He beamed and sorted out his dirty laundry and towel. 

As Dan showered, Phil was left alone with his thoughts. Dan seemed like a good person and he couldn’t imagine anything going wrong with them living together. Him being attractive really distracted him but he didn’t mind the distraction. He’d stare at Dan all day if he could.   
Once Dan returned, Phil smiled at him. “Hello.” He chuckled as watched him sort his things out. He looked even cuter with his hair being wet. Phil had already showered before Dan came because he had nothing better to do. 

Dan finished up before plopping back down onto the bed beside Phil. “God, I’m starving. The drive here took so long.” He complaining, groaning causing Phil to let out a giggle beside him.   
“How goods the food? I’m not gonna be happy if I have to eat shit food for god knows how long.” 

Phil looked at Dan and uneasily chuckled. “I-I mean the food’s not that bad..? It’s, um, edible? I think. It probably isn’t actually edible but you know.. We eat it anyways because we don’t really want to starve to death.” He said and shrugged.   
He glanced at the clock, seeing it was now dinner time, and then turned back to Dan. “It’s actually time to go eat so you can judge the food yourself.” He chuckled and got up from Dan’s bed, stretching a little. “Come on, let’s go.” 

Dan grimaced at the description of the food, the food he was not excited to try.   
He looked at the time and nodding, standing. He yawned and stretched out his arms before beginning to follow Phil to the cafeteria, looking through the halls. The walls were decorated with posters and quotes about how homosexuality was bad and why they were at that school.   
Bull shit

They got into the cafeteria and he looked around. Everyone seemed cool, happy even. That made Dan smile. At least the weights of the things they were put through here wouldn’t show too much. Well, not around other people at least. 

Phil left off to get him and Dan some food. He returned to him and sat down next to him at the table they shared with their friends. They all introduced themselves and treated Dan nicely.   
At one point, actually, one of them started taking a specific sort of liking towards Dan. 

“You know, the food here sucks, but I know how to get better food. Maybe you could come along with me? Just the two of us.” The friend, whose name was Alex, said suggestively to Dan with a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. 

Dan tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at that comment. He’d never really been flirted with before, not at all. Was he even flirting? He had no clue.   
“Where to?” He asked, wanting to know more. 

Phil’s eyes darted between Alex and Dan, feeling the blood boil underneath his skin. Why was he even getting jealous? He couldn’t show that he was, of course, so he kept quiet even though he wanted to stop it badly.

“We’d sneak out. Maybe, go to town a little. Have some fun-“ Alex’s sentence was interrupted by Phil’s scoff and an unamused Phil. 

“That seems a bit unrealistic, don’t you think? You’d get caught.” He said, rolling his eyes which then scanned over the cafeteria. 

“Not with me he won’t.” Alex replied, turning to look at Dan and openly checked him out. “Plus, you’re just jealous that I’ll be alone with Dan because you like him.” He continued, a grin plastering on his face as he awaited a verbal reaction from Phil whose cheeks turned into a deep red. 

“W-What? I don’t like him. I’ve only known him for an hour. ” Phil stuttered nervously, feeling his whole body heat up. “Plus, what do you mean I’m jealous that you’ll be alone with him? I literally live with him. I can have as much alone time as I want.”   
Why couldn’t he just shut up? 

“That’s true. But if he’s with me for the whole time then you won’t really have alone time now, would we?” Alex continued, purposely trying to provoke Phil some more. 

Phil glared at Alex, not a word coming out of his mouth but the look in his eyes said all that he wanted to say. He remained quiet and looked away from Alex and Dan, tapping his leg on the floor and folding his arms across his chest. 

By the time the two had finished arguing, Dan’s cheeks were a deep red and he was so confused. What was this? He didn’t speak though - he stayed silent and continued to eat his food, only ready to speak when spoken to. That’s definitely not what he expected at all - never mind so soon. 

As they had dinner, despite the awkwardness that occurred earlier, they began to speak to one another again as if nothing happened, but there was still visible tension between Alex and Phil. 

When everyone had finished eating, they were all told to go to bed and if anyone was caught outside, there would be severe consequences. Phil, for once, actually respected this rule and didn’t go outside when he wasn’t supposed to.   
Oh who was he kidding? Of course he went outside when he wasn’t supposed to! He never got caught though. However, tonight he wasn’t going to risk it. He didn’t feel like going out anyways to begin with. 

Dan and Phil returned to their room together and they both let out a synchronized sigh.  
After they got ready for bed, Phil turned to Dan. “I, uh, I’m sorry about what happened with Alex earlier.” He said in a quiet voice and embarrassingly chuckled. 

Dan in return shook his head, sitting down on his bed in his pyjamas. It was a bit weird, but it was fine.   
“Don’t worry.” He said calmly. “It’s nothing too bad. I was just confused.” He added with a slight chuckle. 

“Yeah. Alex’s the only one who..picks - I’m not sure if that’s the right word- on me, I guess. He claims it’s all jokes but I don’t know he only does it to me. It’s fine though.” Phil shrugged with a little chuckle and then yawned leaning back onto his bed and put his face in the crook of his arm. “We should go to bed. Don’t wanna be late for your first day tomorrow.” He said, turning his head to look at Dan with a smile. 

Dan nodded, shaking his head. He got underneath the duvet and laid down, curling up. “Goodnight, Phil.” He said softly and closed his eyes, slowly but surely letting himself drift off to sleep. 

“Goodnight.” Phil responded, it only taking a few seconds for him to fall asleep after closing his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer for Dan: @ineffabledaniel (on tumblr)  
> Writer for Phil: @get-up-danny-boy (on tumblr)

Phil had woken up at 5:30am instead of 5:00am the next morning, still feeling somewhat exhausted. He’d never woken up well rested but he’d eventually energize throughout the day.   
He sat up in bed, groaning as he moved, and wrapped himself with the bed sheets. As he stretched, his eyes fell on Dan, whose sheets were mostly on the floor beside him, and who was the type of person to sleep having their face directly on the pillow. How was he even managing to breathe? 

Phil tiredly got up from bed, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he walked over to Dan and gently picked up his sheets, covering him with them —since it was actually really chilly— without waking him up. He then proceeded to go into the bathroom to get washed up and ready for breakfast and then classes, ending up falling asleep again. 

Dan woke up to his own alarm at 6:00am. He groaned quietly and pulled his sheets up, curling up and trying to sleep more. After about fifteen minutes of trying, he gave up. He sat up and rubbed his tired eyes before standing and going to select an outfit.  
Once he had that all planned out, he went into the, now empty, bathroom and washed up, while in the bathroom, he changed and fiddled with his hair. He stepped out the bathroom with a sigh, still exhausted but feeling slightly better after washing up.   
Dan then proceeded to get a bag ready with notebooks, pencils and stuff of the like for classes

Phil woke up again to Dan’s alarm but didn’t open his eyes. He already took a shower, already got ready and already made sure he was ready for school so sleeping some more wasn’t a problem.   
He decided to get out of bed after Dan’s shuffling around came to an end. He rolled over and pushed himself out the bed, sighing.   
“Good morning.” He said softly, smiling at Dan. “Ready for your first day?” 

Dan nodded tiredly. “I guess so.” He chuckled and put his bag on his bed.   
“Will it be okay if I leave my bag in here and get it after breakfast?” He asked, sitting down beside his bag on the bed. 

Phil shrugged. “I mean, taking it with you would be easier for you but leaving it here is also fine.” He replied, turning towards the mirror to fix his hair that had been slightly messed up from the pillow. 

“Hm.” Dan nodded. “True.” He said. “May as well take it.”   
He looked at the time, ten more minutes, so he put on his jacket and then his bag. Slipping his hands into his pockets, he waited for Phil to be ready as he didn’t want to leave alone. 

Phil grabbed his bag, swinging it over his shoulder and walked to the door. “I hope we have classes together.” He said with a light chuckle as he opened the door, allowing Dan to go out first before walking out himself and closing the door, locking it. 

“Me too, in all honesty.” Dan agreed. “I don’t wanna be with people I don’t know.” He added as they walked to the cafeteria. 

Phil chuckled, slipping his hands in the pockets of his jacket as they walked. “You’ll meet new people! You can’t possible want me to be your only friend, do you? It’s a bad decision to be my friend in the first place let alone only friend.” He said jokingly, looking at Dan as he spoke. 

Once they arrived, Dan got what he wanted to eat with Phil before sitting at the same table as before. 

“Have you gotten your timetable for your classes yet?” He asked Dan as he grabbed the juice box from his tray, piercing it with the straw before taking a sip. 

Dan nodded and ate a spoonful of the cereal he’d poured. “Mhm.” He hummed.   
“I think I have English first, and Religious Studies last. That’s all I remember though.” He said before getting out his timetable and placing it on the table. 

Phil nodded and smiled at Dan. “I have English first too!” He said taking another sip and leaning back into the seat. He looked around and rolled his eyes when he saw Alex before leaning forward again to look at Dan’s timetable, scanning it over with his eyes.   
“English is a good hour. The teacher is the least homophobic out of all the teachers. She’s also really helpful which is good.” He added, biting on the tip of the straw as he continued looking at the timetable. 

Dan nodded and smiled. “That’s alright then.” He said softly.   
Alex looked from the timetable, to Dan. “I have you in three different hours! How lucky am I?” He winked, not even jokingly, causing Dan to blush and look away. 

Phil looked up at Dan to see him blushing and once again felt extremely green-eyed. He chewed on his bottom lip, shifting his eyes from Dan to Alex who had a smug grin on his face causing Phil to get even more pissed. Alex leaned in to Phil’s ear, causing him to look away, totally not wanting to hear what he had to say.   
“One point for Alex. Zero points for Phil.” He whispered, making the smirk very audible in his voice.   
Phil rolled his eyes, lightly pushing Alex away annoyingly. “Whatever.” He muttered and scoffed. 

Dan didn’t speak once again after that, he went back to eating. Alex really didn’t want to stop, did he?  
He finished eating soon enough and stood up to go put his tray away. 

When Dan got up, Phil and Alex immediately glared at each other and began arguing over Dan, as well as Alex mocking Phil.   
“He isn’t interested in you, Phil! Give up.”  
“Shut up, Alex. As if he’s interested in you either.”  
“Of course he is! I made him blush. You didn’t.”  
Phil opened his mouth to fight back when Dan came back and sat down at the table, causing Alex to snicker, and Phil to roll his eyes and cross his arms over his chest. 

“Dan,” Alex said, sticking himself next to Dan on the bench he sat on and put his arm around his shoulder, keeping his eyes on Phil as he did so for a moment before turning his head to look at Dan. “Who would you rather go out with: Me or Phil?” He asked, his eyes moving to Phil with a grin. 

Phil’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “Jesus, Alex, shut up!” He said flusteredly, his cheeks deepening into a reddish color. “Dan, you don’t have to answer that.” Alex sneered at Phil and turned to look back at Dan. 

Dan furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the two. Of course he wasn’t going to answer that. He didn’t know! He’d only came to the school yesterday, after all.   
“Yeah, I’m not gonna answer it.” He scoffed and shook his head. 

Before anyone could say anything else, the bell rang for the first class. Phil sighed and got up from the bench, grabbing his bag, and frowning at Alex before looking at Dan. “Come on. We don’t wanna be late for class.” He said with a smile but felt annoyed because he felt Alex’s eyes on him. Once Dan got up, they headed together for the first hour: English. 

When they both arrived to English, Dan had to speak to the teacher about where he was to sit. In fact, by luck, he east seated beside Phil.   
As he sat down, he put his stuff on the table and bag underneath it.   
“Luck brought us together once again.” He chuckled. 

Phil was glad Dan was seated next to him. He chuckled softly and nodded, smiling. “Yes it did.” He said and took out his books from his bag, placing them on the table.   
“Oh. Have they given you your locker number?” He asked, turning back to look at Dan. 

Dan nodded as he got a pen out, doodling a little on the first page of his note book.   
“Mhm, number 56.” He replied with a smile, tilting his head to look at Phil. 

Phil watched Dan doodle and then smiled widely. “We really are stuck together once again.” He chuckled, looking up at Dan. “My locker number’s 57!” 

“What a coincidence.” Dan chuckled and sighed. He put his pen down for the moment and rested his head in his hand.   
“It’s almost like the universe wants us to be close to one another.”

Phil blushed and giggled softly, looking down for a moment before looking back up at Dan. “Yeah. It’s too bad Alex has more hours with you today than I do though. We weren’t lucky with that.” He said shrugging and frowning a little to the irritating thought of Alex. 

Dan shrugged and nodded. “What’s it with him?” He asked. “Is he usually this big of a flirt?” He followed up, tilting his head. It was really a shock to be thrown into a new school and to be suddenly flirted with. 

Phil sighed and nodded. “Unfortunately, yes. He overdoes it also to just annoy me.” He replied and shrugged. “Does he bother you?” He asked, tilting his head a little. 

Dan shrugged a little. “I don’t know - not yet?” He replied. “He’s just quite a lot, if you know what I mean?”  
That was true. He was fine, but he didn’t expect the flirting. He never knew what flirting was like - so he didn’t know if it was a lot or not. 

“Yeah, I get what you mean.” He said smiling a little. Stupid Alex getting in the way of everything. So far, he’s been wanting to punch him a lot and it was taking everything in Phil to not do it.

Dan smiled faintly. Phil was kind. He wasn’t too much, like Alex. He was calm, collected, lovely even.   
“Thanks for being so kind to me, honestly.” He murmured. “I’m glad I’m your roommate.”

“It wouldn’t be good for either of us if I wasn’t kind to you.” Phil said, smiling gently. “I’m glad I’m your roommate too.” He blushed a little saying that. Dan was a great person and was happy that he even got the opportunity to be his friend. He was hoping Alex wouldn’t ruin that anytime soon. 

“That’s true.” Dan smiled and looked down at the table upon feeling his cheeks heat up a little. He fiddled with his pen before going to speak - being interrupted by the teacher starting the lesson before he could even open his mouth. 

The lesson dragged. It was so boring. Dan, around halfway through the lesson, poked Phil with his pen before writing ‘I’m bored’ on a blank bit of paper and pouting to further his point. 

Phil was literally about to fall asleep until Dan poked him. His heart felt like it actually melted when Dan pouted because he looked so damn cute. He ripped out a piece of paper and wrote down: ‘Same. I feel like I’m going to die of boredom. What are we even doing anyways?’ Before passing it over to Dan, keeping his eyes on the teacher to make sure she wouldn’t see him. 

Dan read it and shrugged a little. ‘Reading.’ He wrote back and yawned, sighing deeply. He looked at the book they were to read, he barely even looked at the first word really, it was a boring book. The book was about falling in love between a man and a woman. It was boring, basic and tiring. Ugh. 

Phil looked down at the book, scanned through it with a frown the whole time. He sighed and ripped a paper out again. ‘Straight people love is so uninteresting.’ He wrote down and passed it to him. The thing was, the only type of books they read about were straight romance books. Like, strictly romance and strictly straight. It would be nice to spice things up a bit, at least the genre. 

‘You can say that again.’ Dan wrote, groaning quietly to himself. He should have known this school wouldn’t be so easy. He knew they were to face prejudice and that none of these teachers would fully accept them. Was it even possible to ‘turn straight’? No, of course not. You’re born a certain way.   
Forcing someone to turn straight, to be ‘converted’ would be like telling a cat to change into a dog. It just doesn’t happen. 

It felt like years until the hour finally ended. That was the most boring 50 minutes of his entire life and was so relieved that it came to an end. Phil sighed deeply when the bell rang, quickly closing the book shut and put his face in his hands. “That was terrible.” He muttered to Dan, and then stood up before swinging his bag over his shoulder and picked up his books from the desk. 

Dan sighed and yawned. “Yep.” He agreed as he started to put his things away. Once his bag was once again full of his things, he put it on his back as he stood up. “Where are you next?” He asked. 

“Math. You?” Phil walked out the class with Dan to their lockers. 

“History.” Dan replied softly and put his hands into his pockets, sighing as they entered the slightly busy hallways. 

Of course, Alex had to show up when they got to their lockers.  
He always had to show up and ruin everything.   
“Dan!” Alex exclaimed. “Come on, I’ll take you to class. Guess you won’t be joining us for this one, Phil.” He teased, chuckling mischievously. 

Phil frowned for a moment and then fake smiled at Alex. “That’s fine. Have fun.” He said dryly, still giving a weak excuse of a smile and closed his locker after getting out his math books. 

Dan smiled faintly and hummed as he went into his locker, listening to the two.   
“Oh yeah, we’re gonna have so much fun.” Alex said playfully, causing Dan to roll his eyes.   
“Yep, history is so so so fun!” He retorted sarcastically.

Dan gave Phil one more small smile before being lead off by Alex to the class they were going to. While walking to class, he was trying to make some form of conversation that wasn’t heavy flirting or suggestive comments. 

Phil smiled a little at Dan before he went off to his own class, his mind only focusing on the fact that Dan was with Alex. They were in class though, so Alex couldn’t do anything or he’d get punished. Alex was stupid, but not that stupid. It was just so frustrating cause his mind kept increasing the jealous that was burning in him every time Alex breathed next to Dan. 

After another long hour, with a lot of Alex leaning close to him to pick up a ‘dropped’ pencil, Alex constantly asking for answers and Alex leaning close to Dan to read his answers, second hour ended. 

Dan quickly grabbed his stuff and shoved it all in his bag as he wanted to get out to see Phil as soon as possible. But that was short-lived when Alex grabbed his shoulder. 

“Hey, Dan. How about we go into the courtyard and chat? I’d love to get to know you more.” He said, a small smirk on his face.   
This caused Dan to just sigh. “What about Phil, though?” He asked.   
“Exactly, what about him? C’mon, you can see him at lunch.” Alex smiled to himself and lead Dan to the courtyard. Dan just followed, not in for confrontation. 

Phil didn’t see Dan at his locker and didn’t see Alex either — not that he cared about Alex but Dan wasn’t there so it just made him worry. It was also third hour now, which meant Dan and Phil were in the same class. Maybe Alex decided to take him to his next class? Hopefully. He sighed to himself as he got his books and headed towards Geography class, hoping Dan would be there.

Alex and Dan sat down on benches outside. It was calmer than Dan thought it would be. You see, what he thought was that they had break. Not the case. In this school, it was three hours, lunch, then two hours, end. Dan didn’t take that into account. 

“So, what is it you want to know?” Dan asked calmly. “You did say you’d ‘love’ to get to know me better after all.”

Alex chuckled and shrugged. “Well, yeah, of course I’d love to get to know you better.” He said in a quiet voice, looking Dan up and down, clearly checking him out. “Let’s start with an easy one: What do you like to do?” He asked, smiling a little. 

Dan noticed Alex checking him out, causing him to blush deeply and look down at his lap. “Hm.” He thought. “Well, I play the piano, I used to be a big video game nerd, and I love movies?” He shrugged. “Not the most exciting person but it’s fine.” He added, chuckling. 

Alex chuckled softly. “That’s cool.” He said. He sighed softly. “You know, I really like you, Dan. Something about you caught my eye. You’re already so cute and seeing you blushing makes you even cuter.” He said flirtatiously, leaning in closer to him, and smiled. ‘Ha. If only Phil would see this’ He thought to himself, desperately wanting to see Phil’s reaction to this. 

Dan opened his mouth like he was going to say something but shook his head. He didn’t look up, cheeks a deep red. Did he even like Alex? Was it just his words? Maybe that.   
“Th-thanks?” He whispered nervously, not meaning for it to come out as a question. 

Alex smiled at Dan’s face erupting into a reddish color. As much as Dan was actually attractive, he only did this to have fun. He felt nothing towards Dan at all. “How about we do something a little more fun? We’ll still be getting to know each other.” He leered. 

Dan furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean?” He asked and finally looked up at Alex. He had no idea where the other was going with this, that’s how innocent he was. That’s how inexperienced he was. 

Alex’s eyes trailed downwards to Dan’s lips for a moment before looking back up at him. “I was thinking maybe something like this..” And with that sentence, he leaned in closer to Dan and pressed his lips against his into a kiss. Two points for Alex. Zero for Phil. 

Dan’s eyes widened for a second in shock. Not too long in, he pulled away. “What was that?” He asked. He did not expect such a thing. Christ! He bit his lip anxiously.   
“And, uhm, shouldn’t we be going to third period? Isn’t break time over by now..?” He asked cautiously as he came to a realisation at how long they’d been out. 

Alex tilted his head a little when Dan pulled away. Whatever. He still got to kiss him and now had something to provoke Phil with. “Break time? It’s third hour.” He replied, frowning a little in confusion.   
Ohh no wonder Dan let him take him to the courtyard! He thought it was break. Too bad. 

“What?!” Dan’s eyes widened. He looked around. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked. Fuck already skipping on his first day? Goddamn it, Alex. i’m gonna 

“I thought you knew? Didn’t you check your timetable?” He asked, frowning a little. He then shrugged and sighed. “Whatever. Class should end in a bit anyways.” 

Dan sighed deeply and rolled his eyes. “Okay.. Okay.” He muttered. Why did he let this happen? Why wasn’t he more observant with the timetable? He couldn’t wholly blame Alex, but he wanted to blame him some. 

What lesson did he have anyway? Think, Dan, think. Ah! Geography, that’s it. Oh. That’s also a class he had with Phil. What could Phil be thinking right now? Has he noticed Dan’s missing? Possibly, right? Fuck.

The bell then rang and Alex got up from the bench. “There.” He said and nodded. “Let’s go find Phil.” He muttered and left with Dan. He was excited to boast about kissing Dan to Phil and watch him flame up with jealousy. 

Phil was at his locker after the bell rang and you bet he was pissed. Not pissed at Dan, but at Alex. Of course he took Dan! Dan wouldn’t willingly skip. But shouldn’t he have known it was third hour? Maybe he did willingly skip? Where was he anyways? He sighed and closed his locker before leaning against it and went on his phone. 

Dan rushed into the hallway. He walked swiftly down it, not caring if Alex was still following, towards his and Phil’s lockers. He sighed deeply when he arrived. “I’m so sorry I didn’t show in Geography.” He said quickly to Phil, frowning. “I didn’t know it was third hour and I thought it was break.” He huffed.

Phil looked up at Dan’s voice and faintly smiled when he saw him. “It’s okay. Are you alright? Where were you?” He asked, standing up straight and slipped his phone in his pocket. He knew he was with Alex but he was hoping he wasn’t. Alex wasn’t with him though so maybe he really wasn’t? 

“Outside in the courtyard. Alex convinced me to go out there..” Dan mumbled and looked at his feet, crossing his arms. He knew at this point he had no feelings for Alex, and it was kinda getting a bit annoying with how much he was, but he stayed quiet about it.

Phil frowned and was about to say something when he was interrupted by an obnoxious: “Heyyy, Phil!”   
Speak of the devil.   
He looked at Alex who came up behind Dan, noticing how uncomfortable Dan got the second he also noticed his presence.   
“Dan and I had so much fun last hour, didn’t we?” He asked, tilting his head to look at Dan and then grinned at Phil. “You wanna tell him what we did? Or should I?” 

Dan shook his head and folded his arms across his chest. He really didn’t want to say what he did, mostly because he didn’t enjoy it.

Phil frowned at Alex’s words. What the fuck was he even talking about? What did they do? He hated that he cared so much. He looked at Dan then at Alex, crossing his arms over his chest and shook his head, scoffing.   
“Alex, I don’t care what you two did.”  
“You don’t?”  
“No.”  
Alex paused and nodded. “Oh. Cool. So you won’t mind that we got really close.”   
Phil tightened his jaw and shrugged. “No.”  
“Don’t mind that we kissed?” 

Dan frowned and looked down. Why did he feel so bad that Phil heard that? There was something he felt deep down, about Phil. But he’d never admit it. 

Phil glared at Alex, remaining quiet for a moment. His fist was clenched behind his back. He didn’t look at Dan and kept his eyes fixed on Alex. They read each other’s expressions, Phil frowning and Alex grinning.   
“So? Do you mind?”  
“What are you trying to do here, Alex?”   
“Absolutely nothing! See you two later. Bye!”   
And with that final sentence from Alex, Dan and Phil were left alone in an awkward atmosphere. 

Dan was still looking away, his arms crossed still. Why did he feel a need to apologise?   
“I’m sorry.” He sighed and went into his locker. He couldn’t stand the awkwardness in the air. 

Phil sighed and shrugged. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m not your boyfriend or anything so..You can do whatever you want.” 

Dan shrugged. “Yeah, whatever.” He mumbled and as soon as he finished in his locker - left to go get lunch. 

Phil watched Dan leave and sighed deeply. He’d never felt that sort of jealousy in his entire life. He was so close to punching Alex but he couldn’t because he didn’t feel like getting into trouble. 

When Dan got to the cafeteria, he simply got some food then went to sit at an empty table. He needed to think about what was going on - he surely was stressed.   
Did he really like Phil? Not at all, right? He’s only known him a day. You can’t develop feelings that quick, correct?   
Well there’s something about Phil that makes him feel a certain way. Just ignore it for now, Dan. It can’t be anything. 

After he very quickly ate, Dan left the cafeteria quick and walked the now empty hallway, looking around. He had Alex in his next two classes. That oughta be so fun. Hopefully Alex wouldn’t keep trying, but he knew that was a thin chance. 

Phil spent that break just walking around. He really wanted to go sit with Dan but it was too awkward between them. He no longer had Dan in any of his classes that day.   
How’d Alex and Dan even manage to kiss? Was Dan the one who leaned first? No, Dan looked uncomfortable next to Alex. Alex was the one who leaned first then.   
He knew Alex, and that meant that Alex wouldn’t stop until he either hurt Dan or got some sort of really angry reaction from Phil. 

How didn’t they even get caught while kissing? He knew the geography teacher was angry at Dan. There’d be consequences of course. They were really strict about missing classes unless you were sick.   
By sick, they mean that you’re literally about to die. You’ll still go if you have fever and/or throwing up. 

The bell soon rang, indicating it was time for fourth hour. Dan walked towards the math hall where he was next. He got into the class and sat down at a table he was told to - the class was slowly piling in so he didn’t know who he was sat next to. 

And by bad luck, Alex was very close to him. This was about to be a long long lesson. 

Phil went into his next class and slumped down on his chair. Classes were already so uninteresting and dull and not having Dan with him made it worse. At least then he’d have someone to send notes to.   
He wondered if Dan and Alex sat next to each other in that class. All he thought about was Dan and Alex.   
It was unhealthy.   
Alex had Dan one more time that day and it drove Phil crazy to think about.   
How’d he manage to get so jealous if he’d only known Dan for just a day? 

The last two classes were long, boring and annoying. But finally they were over. Dan left class without even looking at Alex again and went into the hallways, making his way to his locker.   
Once at his locker, he went into it and put all unneeded stuff into it. All he wanted to do then was go back to the dorm and lay down. 

Phil was already at his locker when Dan showed up. They didn’t say anything to each other and Phil hated it. Was it Alex’s plan or something to make them distant from each other? Ugh.   
He glanced at Dan for a moment from the corner of his eye and sighed a bit.   
Great.   
He put the books he didn’t need in his locker and then headed back to their dorm. 

Dan went back to their dorm shortly after Phil. When he got in, he threw his bag to the floor and sighed deeply. He sat on the bed and looked at Phil, he hated the awkwardness that was still there. He had to try fix it.   
“How was your day?” He asked softly, wanting to make conversation. 

Phil looked up at the sound of the bag being throw at the floor. They made eye contact which was really awkward and were quiet until Dan spoke, which was kind of a relief.   
“It was okay, I guess.” He muttered with a small shrug. “You?” 

“Uh.” Dan shrugged and chewed his lip anxiously. “I mean, it was okay?” He shrugged. “If you don’t count all the hours I was with Alex.” He then sighed and laid down, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Alex is such a dick.” Phil said and sighed, looking at Dan with a small frown. “I’m sorry you’re forced to deal with him and that you had to spend most of your first day with him.”

“It’s fine.” Dan shrugged and rubbed his eyes. “It was funny and silly at first, now it’s just annoying and weird.” He said and looked over at Phil. “I don’t wanna see him again for the rest of the day.”

Phil nodded. To him it was just annoying and weird and never funny and silly. “Has any teacher said anything to you yet?” He asked. 

Shaking his head and furrowing his eyebrows, Dan replied “No.” He sighed. “Why? Am I gonna be in a lot of trouble?” He panicked. 

“Um..” Phil recalled to what happened that time he skipped classes a couple years ago. It wasn’t fun at all. He nodded a bit. “Maybe slightly..? They’re really strict about missing classes here..” He said, furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Oh.” Dan whispered and looked down. “It wasn’t my fault..” He murmured. “It’s unfair!” He claimed. 

“I know. Alex should be the one to take the full blame for not telling you it was third hour.” He sighed, feeling bad for Dan. “They won’t listen though. To them, you skipped class and that’s all that matters.” 

“Okay.” Dan said quietly and sat up. He looked down at his lap and frowned. He didn’t want to be in trouble already.  
Then there was a knock on the door, that’s when he looked up. Fuck. 

Phil looked up at the door when he heard the knock and then looked at Dan. “Do you..want me to go answer it or should you?” He asked in a quiet voice. 

Dan bit his lip and shrugged. “Uhm.. I guess so?” He murmured quietly, anxiously. He didn’t want to be in trouble at all, never mind not yet. 

Phil nodded and got up from his bed and walked to the door. When he opened it, it was one of the nuns that ran the school. She asked where Dan was and that she needed to speak to him. Phil went quiet for a moment. He really didn’t want to to tell them that Dan was in the room. But he couldn’t even manage to say anything when the nun looked behind Phil and spotted Dan.   
“You. Come with me.” She said with an irritated expression. “I’m very disappointed. Getting in trouble on your first day.” She muttered, moving Phil aside with the back of her hand in order to let Dan pass. 

Dan gulped and nodded. He shamefully stood up and didn’t even look at her, keeping his gaze on the floor.  
“Okay.” He said quietly and walked out towards her. As he walked there, he managed to glance at Phil, smiling faintly. ‘See you in a bit’ he mouthed. 

Phil smiled faintly at Dan and nodded. He then closed the door and sighed deeply. This was all Alex’s fault. Did he have to take Dan on third hour? Couldn’t he have waited till break? He felt so bad for Dan because he knew the punishments they’d get for breaking the rules were bad. It wasn’t that ‘Oh you did something bad? Go wash the toilets’ or ‘Go pick up the garbage’ or ‘Detention for a week.’  
It was more like, ‘Clench your fist and hold it out so I can hit you on your knuckles with this wooden ruler several times so you’d learn your lesson.’ Or ‘Stay in this dark room that may or may not have rats in it for possible two hours with no source of light or windows.’ Or ‘Put your bare knees on these grains of rice for thirty minutes without moving.’ And many, many more that Phil didn’t really want to try and remember. 

Dan went off with her, when they got to the room, Alex was already there. Alex smiled innocently at Dan, whereas Dan gave him a dirty look. A ‘this is your fault and I shouldn’t be getting in trouble’ look.   
They were lectured for a while about how skipping lessons is bad and how it’s very unacceptable to do so.   
After several, several minutes of lecturing they were told to put their fists out. Dan was confused at first because he wasn’t entirely sure about what was going to happen until he saw that the nun took out a wooden ruler.   
Oh fuck. 

Only a couple seconds later was when Dan felt a stinging pain on his knuckles when the ruler smacked against them. He bit on his bottom lip out of pain. That hurt way more than he wanted it too.   
This went on for way too long and by the end, both his knuckles were a bright red colour. They were dismissed and Dan didn’t say anything to Alex, who tried to talk to him. 

Dan swiftly walked down the hallways and back to the dorm. Once he got back in, he shut the door and laid down on the bed, burying his face into the pillow. Never did he want that to happen again. 

It was a while after Dan came back, and he didn’t say a word when he did which caused Phil to feel even more bad for him. He got up from his bed and walked over to Dan, sitting down on the small space left at the edge of the bed. He tilted his head to try and look at his face and sighed when he couldn’t.  
“Dan..? Are you alright?”   
Of course he wasn’t alright! But he still felt like he had to ask. 

Dan simply shrugged, sighing deeply into his pillow. “I’m fine, it just hurt.” He mumbled. “And it was unfair. Alex was acting like I deserved it as much as he did, like he did nothing wrong.” He muttered. 

Phil nodded. “What did they do?” He asked and then sighed annoyingly when he heard about Alex. “He’s such an asshole. Just, don’t associate yourself with him anymore, okay? I know he talks to you first so when he does just walk away or something.” 

Dan nodded slowly and in response to his initial question, raised his hand. The back of his hand faced Phil, his knuckles were red and just a tiny bit bruised already. He didn’t speak much more - he was tired in all ways. 

Phil’s eyes widened and he leaned in closer to Dan’s hand to look at it. “Oh shit.” He mumbled, frowning at how red they were. “That’ll be there for a couple days.” He muttered, sighing. Alex deserved to have his knuckles bruised. Dan didn’t at all. 

Dan nodded a little and moved so he was laying on his side, looking at Phil. “I didn’t expect anything like that.. I thought it would be like.. Detention.” He sighed deeply. 

Phil sighed and shook his head before looking at Dan. “Unfortunately not.. I wish it was like detention. It would be much better.” He said quietly. “Hopefully you won’t get into anymore trouble —whether it’s your fault or not.” He muttered. 

Dan nodded in agreement. “Hopefully.” He sighed. He didn’t want to get into anymore trouble, he’d do anything he could to not get into anymore trouble. 

The rest of the night was slow, Dan and Phil went to the cafeteria together and ate away from the others for once. When they got back to the dorm, Phil showered before sleeping whereas Dan fell asleep almost right away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan: @ineffabledaniel (on tumblr )  
> Phil: @get-up-danny-boy (on tumblr)

The week was slow, classes were boring but Dan didn’t get into anymore trouble. That doesn’t mean Alex didn’t annoy him though.   
A positive was Dan and Phil were getting to know one another more, they were starting to get along really well.

It was after school on a Friday now and Dan was changing for a party that was secretly being held by someone, somewhere.   
Dan was pretty excited - he’d never been to a party yet. Once he was ready, he joined Phil who was ready too and they made their way to the destination of the party, making sure to be quiet just in case. 

This wasn’t the first time they held a party at the school, usually Phil would be co-hosting this one but he decided to not do so this time. There was a lot of sneaking around to be done to get to where they wanted to go. Everyone had specific times to leave their dorm since the nuns did a number check at night to make sure everyone was in their dorms. 

“How excited are you on a scale from one to ten?”  
He whispered with a smile, looking at Dan for a moment before looking around to make sure there weren’t any nuns roaming around to catch them. 

Dan looked at Phil. “Ten?” He said quietly in reply, smiling. God he hoped Alex wouldn’t try with him tonight. He really hoped. Plus anyway, he said he’d stay with Phil as much as he can anyway. 

Phil chuckled quietly. “These things are usually pretty fun so you’ll most likely enjoy it a lot. I don’t know if there’s alcohol this time though because last time they got caught.” He said and then gently moved Dan forward, his palm on his back, when he was sure the coast was clear. 

Dan nodded. “Okay.” He smiled.  
They arrived not too long after, music was playing but not too loud and people were dancing and socialising. Dan lead Phil to the drinks first, getting them both cups of some sort of juice, unsure still if there was alcohol. 

Dan spent some time scanning around. He didn’t see Alex.. Maybe he wasn’t there? Then the door opened. Great. There he is! Yay..

Phil was sipping on his drink when he saw Alex, causing him to kind of choke on the juice. He rolled his eyes, taking the drink away from his mouth and sighed. He turned to Dan. “Let’s move away so he won’t see you..” He muttered. He really didn’t want them to deal with Alex at the moment. 

Dan nodded and walked into another area with Phil, standing and turning his body to the side so it might be harder for Alex to see him. He didn’t wanna deal with him. 

“I think there’s like..maybe a bit of alcohol in here?” Phil said to Dan, smiling a little as he took another sip. “From last time. They probably snuck away a bottle or whatever was left of it.” He shrugged, putting the cup up to his nose to smell. Yeah, there was alcohol for sure. 

Dan chuckled gently. “Ooh nice.” He said. shrugging a little. “I’ve never.. Drank before.” He admitted as he took sips from the drink. It didn’t taste or feel as bad as his parents told him it did. 

Phil looked at Dan with raised eyebrows, surprised at what he said. “Really?” He asked and chuckled a little and shrugged. “Well, try not to drink too much tonight since it’s your first time.” He said, smiling.

Dan nodded a little. “I won’t, don’t worry.” He said softly and looked around. “This seems cool. How in the hell are we getting away with this though?” He asked, an eyebrow raised when he looked back at Phil. 

Phil giggled and shrugged. “I have no idea.” He replied, throwing the now empty cup into the trash next to them. “We didn’t get away with it last time. We might not get away with it this time? I don’t know. Whatever.” He said and chuckled, slipping his hands into the pockets on the jacket he wore. 

Dan nodded and chuckled. He still sipped his drink slowly, humming quietly. As he looked around, he (very unfortunately) made eye contact with Alex. He did immediately look away though, not wanting him to come over to them. 

To Dan and Phil’s “luck”, Alex did end up coming over to them though.   
“Damn. He really is so stuck to your ass..” Phil muttered to Dan as Alex made their way to them and rolled his eyes as he looked away from Alex to the side. 

“Hey guys!” Alex exclaimed, almost immediately putting his arm around Dan causing Dan to be really uncomfortable and Phil to be really annoyed —as if that was something new though. “Enjoying the party?” He asked, sipping the drink in his other hand. Phil ignored Alex, shaking his head a little and scoffing quietly.   
“Wanna go dance, Dan?” Alex asked. Phil knew Alex was looking at him when he asked Dan that. 

Phil looked at Alex and sighed. “Can’t you see you’re making him uncomfortable?” 

Alex rolled his eyes, pulling Dan closer to him, causing Dan to be even more uncomfortable. “Uncomfortable? I don’t see it. Stop being so greedy, Phil, jeez.”

Phil frowned. Greedy? “What? Me? Wow.” He scoffed and nodded. “Yeah, I’m the one being greedy.”

“Yeah! I know you want alone time with him so just stop. You aren’t going to get it.” 

“You aren’t even making any sense right now. You’re just speaking for the fun of speaking, to annoy literally everyone around you. Leave him alone.” 

Dan sighed and looked away, still anxiously sipping his drink. He didn’t speak up, it was clear by his body language that he was not happy with the situation and wanted Alex to leave him alone. 

“How about we leave you alone? Because clearly Dan doesn’t wanna be around you. Look at him! You’re forcing him to stay with you. It’s sad.” Alex said, and looked at Dan next to him. “Come on, let’s go.” He said, grinning at Phil before beginning to turn around with his arm still around Dan. 

Dan scoffed and shook his head, trying to get away from Alex’s - to strong - grip. “Uhm, no, sorry, I don’t want to go with you.” He murmured and frowned, looking up at Alex. 

HA! Stupid Alex. Phil grinned at Alex and shrugged in a way to say ‘You were wrong and I was right. Take that’. “See? Now let go. Clearly he doesn’t wanna be around you not me.” He said. Alex let go of Dan, causing Dan to look relieved. Point Phil.   
Phil and Alex, for probably the 100th time in the past week, exchanged annoyed glares at each other before Alex walked away, hopefully never to come bother them again. 

Dan sighed deeply and moved away from Alex to stand back against the wall. “Thanks.” Is all he muttered quietly, looking around. He finished his drink soon after and tossed it away into a close-by trash can, looking at Phil and smiling small. 

Phil smiled a little at Dan and sighed. “If he comes back I might actually stab him.” He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Dan sighed and shrugged. “I’ve just had enough of his bullshit, you know?” He asked. “All he does is irritate me and try to get to me.” He huffed. 

Phil nodded. “Yeah, I know. He’s always been annoying but this week it’s been to an extreme level.” He rolled his eyes, letting them land on Alex who was across the room having his back facing them before looking back at Dan. 

Dan hummed. “I’m done with him.” He shrugged. “I’m hoping after this, he won’t keep on trying.” He scoffed. “Wanna get more drinks?” He then asked. 

Phil nodded. “Sure.” He said with a small smile and began walking to the drinks table with Dan as he thought about the situation with Alex. “Hopefully he will stop, but I doubt it. Maybe you should tell him to?” He suggested as they walked together, looking over at Dan. 

Dan nodded. “I will, if he tries again.” He responded and got two drinks, passing one over to Phil. After that, he grabbed a little chocolate from the assortment of them on the corner of the table, eating it slowly as he looked around. 

Phil thanked Dan when he was handed his drink and took a sip from it. The drinks didn’t taste good, but they weren’t bad either. They were weird. Probably because the juice was from the cafeteria and all the cafeteria food and drinks tasted really bad.   
He hummed to the song that was playing and tapped his foot to the beat. He was glad Alex finally left them alone. 

They managed to have some peace for a while - just listening to music and chatting to one another.   
Though that peace was once more disturbed when Alex came back over. He stood next to Dan and looked at him, Dan looking back, annoyed. 

“Hey, I know I made you mad and whatever but I think I know a perfect way to make it up to you.” Alex said amusedly, with a small wink.   
Dan scoffed, shaking his head. “No, not happening. Leave me alone, once and for all.” He mumbled.   
Alex, though, wasn’t having it. “Come on Dan. Let me make it up to you! You know you wanna come with me.” He smirked.   
Dan placed his drink down and turned to look at Alex. “No! I don’t wanna go with you, I don’t want anything to do with you and I don’t want to be with you.” He spat. 

Phil raised an eyebrow to the conversation between Dan and Alex. Alex was really fucking annoying. Jesus. 

Alex scoffed. “Be with me? Who even said that? I don’t wanna be with you. Why would I ever be with someone like you anyways? Don’t flatter yourself. I’m just having fun with you to make Phil annoyed cause he has this MASSIVE crush on you for some unknown reason. Probably to screw you just like he did others.” He said harshly and shrugged.  
Phil’s eyes widened and his eyebrows drew together into a frown as he listened. He didn’t really want Dan knowing he went around doing things with everyone.   
“As if I’d wanna be in a relationship with you. That’s really funny! There’s no way in hell that I’d ever come close to actually having feelings for you. Never.” Alex continued, rolling his eyes. 

Wow okay, that hurt. Though Dan was pissed at Alex for his touchiness, that hurt. What was so wrong with him? Did he do something wrong? He didn’t speak. He looked down and at his feet. Where did that come from? So Alex was just fucking with him to annoy Phil? Toying with his emotions to annoy Phil? Amongst all that, Alex had let him know that Phil slept around. Now he was worried that he was falling for him. Would he really only be wanted for sex? He didn’t want that, not at all. 

Dan now only felt shame, annoyance and hurt. He was shameful for thinking him and Phil could maybe have something, annoyed at everything going on and hurt because of how harsh Alex had been towards him.

Phil’s eyes moved from Alex to Dan and got really pissed at Alex when he saw how hurt Dan was. It was normal for Alex to be annoying but for him to be that mean and harsh with his words? That was new.   
“Why’d you have to say all those things?” Phil said, his voice raising a bit. “You’re the one who kept touching and flirting with him. It’s his right to think you wanted to be with him.” 

“Do you really wanna start talking about being touchy and flirty, Phil? You of all people wants to lecture me about that?” 

Phil frowned and scoffed. “Shut up. This isn’t about me-”

“You aren’t Dan’s boyfriend so you don’t need to defend him about me. And clearly you never will be since he now knows you’ve hooked up with everyone in here!” He said, grinning. “You’re a slut, Phil. Everyone here knows it, including Dan now.” 

Phil was taken aback by Alex’s words. He was more than angry now. First he attacked Dan, and now he was attacking Phil too?   
Well, he always attacked Phil but never this much.   
“You know what, fuck you, Alex.” 

Alex grinned and chuckled dryly, shrugging. “Yeah. You already did.”

Dan scoffed and looked between them two. What the hell? So it was true. Phil slept with mostly everyone. How stupid of Dan to think he could ever have something with Phil. Maybe that’s why Phil was so nice and stuff, to ease Dan into it all. 

Phil didn’t get to say anything else since Alex immediately walked away after that, leaving Dan and Phil alone. Phil didn’t look at Dan at all. He kept his fist clenched and his jaw tightened as he tried to keep himself calm. Great. Just fucking great.   
He didn’t want Dan for sex. For once in his life, he actually liked someone properly. For who they were as a person, and not to just hook up with them and leave like how he usually did. But Dan wouldn’t care about that now. To him, Phil was just the guy who slept with everyone.   
Fuck.   
Everything was ruined now and it was all Alex’s fault. 

This party was no longer fun and Dan didn’t want to be there any longer. There was an air that made him feel weird now.   
Without a word, he left, silently going through the hallways until he was back at their dorm. When he got in, he changed and got into bed, facing the wall with a blank expression. 

Phil stayed at the party when Dan left to go and argue with Alex some more because he didn’t want to go back to the dorm and have to be with Dan, who possibly hated him at the moment.   
Alex was, once again, pissing Phil off, saying things that didn’t even make sense at all or didn’t even relate. 

Once the party was over, Phil made his way back to the dorm, being careful as to not get caught. He opened his dorm room door and silently stepped inside, looking at Dan for a second and feeling his stomach twist before looking away. He went and got ready for bed before he went to his bed and laid down on his side, his back facing Dan. He didn’t know what to say at all. Maybe Dan didn’t even want to talk to him in the first place. 

Dan wasn’t asleep. He didn’t sleep for a while. He didn’t know what to think anymore. Why the hell did he have to fall for Phil, and why so fast? Why couldn’t he have found out about that before letting himself fall for Phil. Goddamn it.

It took a while but the pair soon fell asleep without saying a word.


	4. Chapter 4

The night was long and the room was filled with an awkward vibe but finally, Saturday morning came. Dan woke up to the sun between the curtains and slowly sat up, yawning and rubbing his eyes.   
He remembered every second of last night, and he had no idea what to do now. 

Phil barely slept that night. He kept on waking up because he was stressing so much over what happened at the party. The next morning, it was still awkward. So very awkward. He still didn’t know what to say or do. He sat up in his bed, looking over at Dan’s bed and accidentally made eye contact with him, causing him to immediately look away.   
Ugh.   
He looked down at his hands and sighed. “I’m really sorry about yesterday.” He said in a quiet voice. “I didn’t want you to know that about me. I’m sorry.” 

Dan looked at Phil as he spoke. He sighed. “Oh really?” He asked.   
“When was I supposed to find out then?” He asked. “Once you fucked me and acted like it never happened?” He raised an eyebrow. 

How was Dan meant to know Phil truly liked him. Dan had every right to be angry. Dan did nothing wrong - if anything, he was a victim to this!   
“Well, I know now anyway, so that won’t be happening.” He mumbled. “How stupid was I?” Dan whispered to himself, still upset he let himself fall for Phil. 

Phil looked at Dan as he listened to him speak with a frown on his face. Ouch. That hurt. Dan wasn’t going to listen at all. He had every right not to anyways.   
“You weren’t supposed to find out in the first place. Everyone knows I’m the fucking school slut and I just didn’t want you to know me as only that — unfortunately, now you do.” He said and paused, still looking at him with hurt.   
“I didn’t want you to know not so I can ‘fuck you and act like it never happened’. I do like you but not so I can screw around with you and go. That doesn’t matter now though.” He shrugged and sighed. “If I wanted to just have sex with you, it would’ve happened by now, just so you know.” He muttered and looked away. 

Dan laughed quietly and sourly to himself. He didn’t know what to believe or trust. Did Phil actually like him? Or was that to make him feel better? Probably.   
He looked down, insecurity bubbling from what Alex said last night.   
“Right, Phil, whatever.” He whispered. Looking down, he sighed and bit his lip. 

Maybe he should step down, maybe he’s being too harsh. What was he meant to do though? He was so hurt from last night.   
“I’m sorry for being stupid.” He said. “I developed feelings for you and didn’t even think. I thought we had a chance, but I didn’t even think.” He chuckled sadly. “How could you like ‘someone like me’.” He said emotionlessly as he stood up, grabbing a towel and some clothes. He went into the bathroom with no further word, or ear to listen to Phil. 

Phil didn’t know what to do at all. He ruined everything with Dan. They were getting along so well that week and now it was all gone. He was so disgusted and ashamed with himself. Why’d he have to go and fuck with everyone and title himself as the school slut? Couldn’t he have just..not?  
He didn’t speak anymore because there was not use to. He said what he wanted to say which ended up backfiring anyways. It’s not like if he repeated what he said something was gonna change. He hated himself and he hated Alex especially.   
Fucking amazing. 

Dan sat down on the floor of the shower as the water gently rolled down his body. While he was in there, he took time to think. Well really, he didn’t know what to think. Did Phil actually like him? Was he a bad person?  
He must be. He sighed. All he’d tried to do when he came was be nice, but maybe that was wrong, maybe he shouldn’t have. All it’s done is got him hurt. Even if Phil was the ‘school slut’, he deserved more than Dan, obviously. As he thought, tears quietly fell, mixing in with the shower water and disappearing down the drain. 

After a long twenty minutes, Dan finally left the shower. He dried himself up and got clothes on. After hanging his towel up, he left the bathroom quietly and sat down on the bed, picking up another towel to dry his hair properly. Awkward. He hated it. Hated it. 

How was Phil meant to fix this? Was it possible for it to even be fixed?   
“Dan, I-I don’t know what to do. I don’t want you to hate me.” He whispered, looking down at his hands with furrowed eyebrows. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to fix this with you. I don’t know if you even want anything to do with me anymore. I’m sorry I ruined things.” 

Dan put his towel down and looked up at Phil, sighing. He just wanted everything to be as it was before. “I don’t know, what happened will be there.” He shrugged.   
“I want to have an actual conversation now - not an argument.”

Phil sighed and nodded a little. Unfortunately, that was true. Everything was going to be still be there. Damn it Alex. Oh, and what made it even worse —now that Phil remembered— was that Alex even mentioned that they had sex. Phil had forgotten about that. If he could, Phil would kill him.   
“Yeah, I don’t want to argue with you anymore.” He said quietly and looked at Dan. 

Dan sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “Last night.. Was a shit show.” He started, very matter-of-factly.  
“I didn’t want to get to how we are now, but here we are.” He smiled sarcastically. “I..” He paused to think of how to word this. “Since I started this school, I guess I developed feelings for you. I felt a connection almost. I hoped there was a connection, but after last night, I don’t know how to feel. I guess I believe you over Alex about the whole ‘sex’ thing. But what Alex said about me, that can’t seem to be shaken.” He mumbled. 

Phil listened to Dan speak, looking at him most of the time until he implied that the connection they had between them was possibly ruined. That caused him to look away and sigh sadly.   
He then shook his head. Alex was so stupid. How could he say those things to Dan? “Alex is a dumbass. He says things just to cause drama. It’s what he thrives off. I knew he’d do this at one point. His point was to either hurt you or me. Guess he did both.” He muttered, annoyed at Alex for doing what he did.  
He took a deep breath. “Dan, I’ve known you for a week and all you’ve shown is good things. You’re an amazing person — you’re funny, kind, and really great to be around.” He shrugged and shook his head a little. “What he said, or what he implied, isn’t true at all. Don’t let the words directed to you stick with you..” He said quietly, scratching the bedsheets under him. 

Dan blushed at Phil’s words, head now hanging to look at his lap. “Do you mean that?” He asked quietly. 

Phil looked at Dan, furrowing his eyebrows a little and nodded. “I do mean that. Hopefully, you believe me. If you don’t, then I’m sorry.” He replied. 

It wasn’t so easy for Dan though, he was already insecure before he started. No one in his school would ever hang with him, no one wanted to sit with him, no one voted for him ever for class president - evidently, it sucked. 

Phil was glad that they were at least talking now. It might not be the most fun topic to discuss, but Phil wanted to fix things with Dan. He really did like him and it would be really awful if they just drifted apart from each other. 

Dan nodded and thought. He too wanted it all fixed, like, as soon as possible. “I’m sorry for lashing out earlier, but I didn’t know what else to do. After what I heard last night I was scared that all you were seeing me for was sex.” He admitted.   
“I still like you, Phil.” He said honestly. “I don’t know what to do now, I want it all to be okay..” He whispered and sat back on his bed, back against the wall and his knees pulled up to his chest. 

Phil sighed and shook his head. “I know that’s what you thought which is why I didn’t want you knowing those things about me because that doesn’t apply to you. I’ll still like you even if we never even have sex.” He muttered “Which I doubt we ever will after what happened.” He chuckled a little and shrugged.   
He looked at him, pressing his lips in a thin line. “I want it all to be okay too. I never meant for this to happen between us..” He whispered sadly. 

Dan sighed and buried his face into his knees. “I hate that things are bad now.” He murmured. “Can we.. Start again, in a way? Like, forget last night as much as we can?” He asked as he looked up. “I want to try again..”

Phil nodded, smiling faintly. “Yeah..Yeah, I’d like that.” He said quietly. “It would suck if we stopped being friends or anything like that, really.”   
“Agreed.” Dan said softly. 

They spent the rest of the day, mostly in their dorm, doing the homework they had together from their shared classes and only left to have breakfast, lunch and dinner. When they were out of the room, they did their best to avoid Alex which   
was actually pretty easy because it seemed like he was avoiding them too. 

Conversation flowed through them again causally which was good because Phil was afraid they’d still be awkward for the whole day, and at night instead of sleeping through an awkward atmosphere, they slept through a comfortable one.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan: @ineffabledaniel (tumblr)  
> Phil: @get-up-danny-boy (tumblr) 
> 
> Send either one of us a message on what you think so far! We’d really appreciate it.

Several weeks passed and the two had become really close to each other. They stopped having to deal with Alex who seemed like he had finally gotten the message.   
Phil knew his feelings developed for Dan. They grew stronger and stronger for him.   
But he didn’t know if Dan felt the same after what happened at the party.   
He said they had no chance anymore.   
He tried to forget about the party but it always came back to him and made him feel guilty for hurting Dan. 

He woke up one morning at 5:00am and sat in his bed after he got ready for school.   
Did he forget to do any homework?  
Hmm…  
Oh shit.   
He forgot to do his math homework and he had math first hour. To top it all off, he and the math teacher weren’t on good terms at all so he’d really get it if he didn’t hand anything in.   
He also didn’t know how to do it so that was nice.   
Dan did though. 

He got up from his bed and tiptoed to Dan, the floorboards creaking beneath him.   
“Dan.” He whispered.   
Dan still slept soundly, not reacting to Phil. He also kind of snored while he slept which was cute.   
“Wake up. I need your help.” He whispered again, shaking him gently.   
Dan did react this time by letting out an annoyed groan and pulled his covers over his head, rolling away from Phil.   
“Dan..!” He said and smiled a little. “I will come after you under those sheets.”   
Dan shook his head and let out a chuckle that was muffled by the sheets covering him.   
“Ok, fine.” Phil said and laid down on the empty space on Dan’s bed, putting the covers over both of them. He was laying on his side so he faced Dan but Dan had his back facing Phil.   
He knew Dan was awake now so he was going to talk in a normal voice and volume. “Help me with my math homework please. I don’t know how to do it.” He said with a smile. It instantly started to get hot underneath the sheets but he stayed, waiting for a response from Dan. 

Dan eventually gave in and sighed deeply, opening his eyes and rolling over to look at Phil. Oh. They were close. He didn’t mind, not at all.   
“Couldn’t you have asked last night?” He chuckled tiredly, voice groggy with sleep.   
Phil simply shook his head. “I forgot!” He claimed.   
“Fine! Fine.” Dan sighed and smiled, rubbing his eyes. “C’mon lets do it.” He said as he sat up, stretching. 

Phil giggled and sat up in the bed, letting out a breath because he very much overheated underneath the sheets. “Sorry for waking you.” He said and chuckled a little, looking over at Dan. 

“It’s okay.” Dan chuckled softly, smiling tiredly. “C’mon, let’s just do this, make it worth getting up at this time.” He said. “What do you need help with?”

Phil flipped through the pages of his math book and showed Dan what he needed help with, pointing to the exercise he had to do. “This. I mean, I hope you know how to do it, or else I would have woken you up for no reason.” He smiled a little as he spoke. 

Dan looked through the task and thought to himself. “I can do this.” He smiled.   
For the next half an hour, Dan worked through each question with Phil, showing him all the techniques until all the questions were done.   
“There, better?” He asked, smiling. 

Phil, for once, actually understood math and didn’t have to lie saying he did when he actually didn’t. He nodded and smiled at Dan. “Yeah! Thank you.” He beamed as he put back his books in his bag. 

“It’s okay.” Dan said softly. “I wanna sleep again but I know I can’t.” He groaned and laid down. 

“Do you want me to read you a bedtime story and play with your hair until you fall back asleep?” He said jokingly with a small chuckle. 

Dan rolled his eyes and chuckled. Why did that sound good though? Mostly because he loved anyone playing with his hair. Not really the bedtime story part. “Mm, I’m fine.” He chuckled. 

“Suit yourself!” Phil said, giggling a little. He got up from Dan’s bed and stretched his arms out, letting out a weird sound as he did so causing him to frown at himself. He turned to Dan and clapped once. “It’s time for you to get ready, Daniel.” He said, smiling. 

Dan groaned and rolled on to his side, looking at the wall. “Nope.” He murmured, still exhausted. It was definitely time for him to get ready but he didn’t care, he didn’t wanna leave bed. 

Phil rolled his eyes and sighed. “No, come on Dan. Get up.” He said and knelt down on Dan’s bed, beginning to shake him. 

Dan groaned and wafted his hand at Phil. “Leave me alone.” He whined and covered himself with the sheets. “Let me sleep!” He said, trying to hold back a smile. 

“Dan!” Phil whined back and yanked the sheets off of him. “I’ll drag you out of bed if you won’t get up.” He said, throwing the sheets onto the floor. 

Dan folded his arms and frowned at Phil, pouting. “Is that a challenge?” He giggled. “Because I am not leaving!” He smiled widely.

“Fine then!” Phil said and got off the bed and walked over to the bottom of it so that he faced Dan’s legs. He grabbed ahold of them and began pulling them. “You’re gonna be late if you don’t get up!” 

Dan groaned loudly. “Fine!” He huffed and kicked his legs. Once he was out of Phil’s grip, he sat up and yawned. “I hate school..”

Phil chuckled and nodded. “I know. Me too. We have classes together though today so that’s fun.” He said with a smile. 

Dan nodded. “Yes yes, that’s true.” He said and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He stood up soon enough and went into his closet, picking out a jumper and some jeans to wear before going off to get changed. 

As Phil waited for Dan to get ready, he thought to himself. He didn’t think it was possible to like someone as much as he liked Dan. The more they got closer, the more his feelings increased. It had started to get frustrating honestly. He fixed his hair as he thought, sighing to himself. Fuck. 

Dan finished up and looked into the mirror, thinking. Before he could get in too deep, he left the bathroom with a sigh. “Breakfast?” He asked with a small smile. 

Phil was snapped out of his thoughts when Dan came back into the room. He nodded and smiled at him. “Let’s go. Do you have everything?” He asked as he picked up his own bag off the floor. 

Dan nodded and rubbed his eyes once again. “Mhm.” He said and picked up his bag. “Let’s go.” He smiled and opened the door, exiting the room and holding it open for Phil. 

Phil walked out the room and chuckled. “What a gentleman.” He said to Dan jokingly with a smile as he watched him close the door behind them. 

Dan rolled his eyes and laughed. “Whatever.” He said and walked to the cafeteria.   
When they arrived, they got their food and sat down at a table to eat together. 

They stopped sitting with a big group during the time when they went to eat because 1) They were loud and 2) It was much nicer when it was just the two of them. 

Phil was thinking a little to himself as he ate and then looked up at Dan. “Do we have any quizzes or tests today?” He asked. He felt like they did and it was stressing him out. 

Dan looked up at Phil and shrugged. “I think in English?” He said unsurely. “But it’s only a small one, I think.” He replied. 

Oh. Great! He had a quiz that he didn’t study for! Phil sighed and put his spoon on the tray in front of him. “When did she ever say we have a quiz?” He asked, frowning a little. 

“Pretty sure when you fell asleep last week.” Dan chuckled gently. “It’s fine, you’ll be fine. There wasn’t too much revising.” He smiled. 

“Can you like, slide me some answers in case I’m not fine? I’ll give you a nice high five in return. It’s a good trade.” He suggested and nodded a little. 

Dan rolled his eyes and laughed. “God, sure yeah.” He said. It wasn’t for the high five - it was because he liked Phil and just couldn’t say no. 

Phil chuckled a little and smiled. “Thank you.” He said and with that the bell rang. He groaned and rolled his eyes as he got up from the chair he sat on. He had Geography first hour and English second hour, both of them with Dan which was good. “Come on.” He said with a smile before beginning to walk with Dan to their first class. 

Dan nodded and stood up. He put his bag on his back and picked up his tray, putting it away before leaving with Phil. They arrived to Geography quite fast as they were close to the classroom. They sat in their seats and that’s when Dan got all his stuff out; notebooks and pencils. 

The lesson was alright. Not exactly fun but not boring either. Phil would send notes to Dan throughout the hour, writing lame jokes he’d think of or just to complain or ask for how many minutes were left. It was always like that in every hour they had together. It’s what made it slightly fun though. 

English came around soon enough and it was time for their test. Great. Dan actually wasn’t too worried, he just hated how quiet the rooms were and such.   
They sat down and were told to stay quiet as they were handed their papers.   
The test started after everyone had their papers and were told if any cheating or talking were to occur, there would be punishments. 

When Phil got his test paper, he scanned through it, his eyes widening a bit with a frown on his face. What the fuck was this? Ok, ok. It’s fine. He sighed deeply and chewed on his pencil anxiously as he tried to think of answers to write down. At one point, he rested his forehead on the desk and groaned quietly to himself. Fun. After a couple seconds, he sat back up and looked at the teacher to make sure she wasn’t looking before leaning forward to try and look at Dan’s paper, not seeing shit from it of course. 

Dan managed to do this with ease. He felt Phil trying to look, so out of kindness, moved to the side a slyly and moved his paper a tad to make it visible. 

Phil managed to quickly copy a couple of things off Dan’s paper before he heard a “Phil. Eyes on your own sheet.” Said in a very strict voice coming from teacher. He sighed before continuing to do the rest of his test until the hour ended which was when everyone handed in their papers. 

 

Dan gulped at the teacher scolding Phil.   
He finished his at the end and handed in the test. The bell then rang and they were all to get up and leave, so he did. He got his bag together and left beside Phil. “How do you think you did?”

Phil chuckled sarcastically. “Um..Maybe passing? Thanks for helping me though.” He said with a smile. “I believe I owe you a high five.” He said, raising Dan’s hand and high fived him before putting his hand back down and giggled a little. 

Dan rolled his eyes and gave the high five, chuckling. “You’re silly.” He murmured. “I have maths now, see you after at lunch?” He asked, smiling. 

Phil nodded and smiled then waved Dan off. He smiled to himself as he walked to his next class, thinking about Dan. Ignoring what happened the first week Dan was his roommate, Phil was actually really glad that Dan was put with him.   
Once he got to his next class, he sat down and sighed as the lesson soon began. 

Dan sat in maths and focussed, mostly. It wasn’t new for Phil to constantly be on his mind anyway. The class ended eventually, thankfully and Dan rushed to his locker to meet Phil. He got there first and waited for Phil impatiently. 

Phil met Dan at his locker after class ended and smiled at him. “Hello.” He said to him and then opened his locker to put in the books he didn’t need. “How was class?” He asked, closing his locker and turning back to Dan. 

“Hi.” Dan smiled widely. He started with his locker and finished shortly. “It was okay. How was yours?” He asked, putting his hands into his pockets. 

“Boring without you.” Phil replied jokingly even though honestly he wasn’t. They began walking together to the cafeteria.   
Maybe it was unconsciously or maybe it was consciously, but whenever they walked together they always seemed to stick to each other. It felt nice — comforting even. 

Dan chuckled gently and smiled.   
They got their food and sat down. “I can’t be bothered with the last two hours.” He rolled his eyes. He only had last period with Phil, which sucked. 

“Well, we can’t exactly skip even though I really wish we could.” He said sighing as he played with his food a little with his fork before eating a bit from it. “I wish we could just leave this place in general.” He muttered with a small frown on his face. 

Dan sighed at the reminder of what happened when he skipped the first time. “I guess so.” He murmured.   
“Me too.. When do they let you go?” He asked anxiously. 

“When they’ve fully made sure you ‘aren’t gay anymore.’” Phil replied. He thought for a moment and shrugged. “People have left in the past, but I’m guessing they had to lie and control themselves really well in order to.” He said quietly.

“Yeah..” Dan murmured. “I’d do anything to be able to leave.. But I’m horrible at lying..” He murmured and looked down. If he was in any longer he’d honestly have a break down. He’d been in around three weeks now, meaning it had almost been a month.

Phil nodded and smiled sadly. “I’m not exactly leaving anytime soon because of my wonderful reputation.” He said and chuckled dryly, looking down and frowned a little as he remembered what happened a couple weeks ago. 

Dan frowned a little and nodded slowly. “You can try..” He murmured and chew his lip anxiously. “I hate it here.. I want to be free.. I wish I never tried to come out.” He muttered. 

Phil looked up at Dan and sighed. “I can try but if it’s been going on for 2 years then I don’t know if it’ll work. They even-“ He paused his sentence and then shook his head. Dan doesn’t need to know about the threat he got from the therapist. “Nevermind.” He mumbled. “Whatever. You have a chance though so that’s good.” 

Dan tilted his head and looked up at Phil. “What were you going to say?” He asked quietly.   
If he was honest, he wouldn’t want to leave without Phil. But that wasn’t a choice, not at all. 

Phil shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it.” He said and smiled faintly. He sighed deeply and began to play with his food once again before putting his fork down. He didn’t feel like eating anymore. Plus the food wasn’t even good. 

Dan only managed to eat half of his food. He sighed and rested his head on the table. “This is horrible.” He murmured. 

Phil nodded and sighed. “I know..” He said quietly. “I hope you at least get to leave this place. You don’t deserve to stay in this shithole.” He muttered, looking at Dan. 

Dan looked up and frowned. “You don’t either. None of us do!” He said. “All we did was be ourselves.” He sighed deeply. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Our parents and the nuns and therapists here think otherwise.” He shrugged. “It’s literally just a preference! It’s like, if you like cheese and I don’t like cheese. I’m not gonna send you away so you stop liking it.” He said, folding his arms across his chest and leaned back into his seat. 

Dan chuckled a little and nodded. “Yeah, that’s true.” He said softly and sighed. “I wanna go home.” He murmured and closed his eyes, facing the table again. 

“Me too.” He sighed. “Actually, no, not home. I don’t want to see my family. I just wanna leave.” Phil muttered. He was so tired of this place. He’s wasted two years of his life already and didn’t want to waste anymore. 

Dan nodded slowly. “We need to do our best at these ‘tests’ to get out..” He murmured and yawned. “We best be getting ready to go back to class, I guess.”

“Right.” Phil said and stood up. He threw out his tray and waited for Dan before they went to their last classes, only having the final hour together. 

Dan put his tray away and walked through the halls. They said goodbye and went to fourth hour.  
He spent the whole hour waiting for it to end to see Phil again in fifth hour.   
Luckily, fifth hour came eventually and Dan got out of the classroom, going to the last lesson they share with one another. 

This last hour was possibly the worst hour in the whole week. They had religion which also acted as a therapy session—an excuse to personally target every single one of the students there to make them feel bad. They thought if they made them feel bad enough, they’d give in to heterosexuality.

Dan and Phil sat next to each other, both looking equally uninterested and just generally done with what was being said.  
Phil groaned quietly and scoffed to himself while he listened. “I’d rather have my ears ripped out of my head than have to listen to this.” He mumbled to Dan, rolling his eyes to the phrase ‘Homosexuality is an illness’ that had been repeated many, many times already during that hour. 

Dan sighed deeply and nodded in response. “Me too.” He muttered back quietly. It was honestly so annoying how people thought this way, they all claim you can’t control your feelings yet when you get feelings for someone of the same gender - oh no, that’s bad. 

After what was like years, the hour finally ended and room cleared out really quickly. Dan and Phil both rushed out of the room and let out a sigh of relief once they were out. “I hate those classes so much.” He said, frowning at the nun that walked out of the room. Thankfully she had her back turned so she couldn’t see. 

“Me too.” Dan huffed. They began walking back to the dorm. Once they were back, Dan threw his bag to to his side of the room, then flopped onto his bed. “Ugh.” He groaned loudly. 

Phil placed his bag on his desk and went to go lay down next to Dan, burying his face in his pillow and let out a groan. “Stupid school. Stupid parents. Stupid homophobia.” He grumbled but you couldn’t really make out the words properly cause they were muffled by the pillow. 

Dan smiled small to himself when he felt Phil’s presence beside him. He nodded to Phil’s, very muffled, words.   
They laid like that for some time, enjoying one another’s presence until Dan rolled onto his side to look at Phil, just admiring him. 

Phil finally raised his head from the pillow to speak but blushed when he saw Dan was already facing him and looking at him. He smiled coyly to himself and now laid himself on his side so they now looked at each other. “You know what’s the only good thing that came out of this stupid place?” He asked in a quiet voice. They were looking directly into each other’s eyes and it made, as cliché as it sounds, butterflies appear in Phil’s stomach. 

Dan tilted his head, blushing a little at the eye contact. “No? What?” He asked softly, a small smile on his face. This felt nice, they were so relaxed and happy beside one another. 

“Meeting you.” He replied, shrugging a little with a small smile on his face. “Everyone here is so..Like, don’t get me wrong they’re all nice —except for Alex— but there’s something about you that..I don’t know.” He rambled and then paused. “There’s just something about you that I really like and I wish we could’ve met in better circumstances but I’m still really glad I got to meet you.” He continued in a soft and shy voice. He didn’t know why he was suddenly admitting that but for some reason he did. Everything he said was true though. 

Dan blushed a little deeper, looking down at the sheets for a moment. “I feel the same way.” He then spoke up, only saying the truth. “You’ve been so sweet to me, and that’s new. No one’s ever been kind to, or liked me. So this feels nice.” He said before stopping to think. 

“I said this before, in my first week, but now I mean it more. I really do like you Phil. Not just how kind you are, but your personality in general. And not even just that, you’re attractive, and funny..” He rambled. “Overall, I really do like you, it’s been an honour getting to know you..” He murmured and smiled small, very shyly too. 

Phil was blushing deeply as he listened to Dan speak but was also smiling at his words. His smile then faded away a bit. “I..was worried. The first week. When you said that you thought we had something between us but were doubting it. I’m still sorry about that..” He said, his eyebrows furrowed a little. “I really never wanted to hurt you. I like you a lot and my feelings kept increasing these past three weeks that I’ve spent with you and knowing you more.” He paused, sighing softly. 

“I just don’t understand how people aren’t kind to you or don’t like you. You’re an amazing person.” Phil continued and shrugged. “They’re missing out on a lot.” He smiled as he spoke.   
Phil was sent to this place to supposedly “stop being gay” but that clearly was failing not only because he used to go around with everyone but because Dan was making him even gayer. 

Dan blushed and smiled faintly to himself. “Thank you.” He murmured. “You’re truly lovely.” He said whole heartily. “I’m so glad I know you.” He admitted. 

“I’m so glad I know you too.” He smiled gently, still blushing very deeply. He stayed quiet for a couple seconds as he debated with himself.   
He didn’t wait too long before shyly and hesitantly leaning in close to Dan, making eye contact with him for a moment then letting his eyes fall onto Dan’s lips before he softly connected their lips together into a kiss. 

Oh. Dan was surprised at that, he never saw a kiss coming. But hey! He wasn’t complaining at all. He smiled and closed his eyes, kissing Phil back gently and slowly letting an arm wrap around Phil’s neck. 

Phil smiled into the kiss when Dan kissed him back. He was so glad that didn’t backfire because if it did that would’ve been really awkward. He sat up from the bed, still kissing Dan so now he was leaning over him, and cupped his face with one of his hands. 

Dan sat up too, moving impossibly closer to Phil as he continued to kiss him. He had a lack of experience so hoped he wasn’t making a fool of himself or anything close.  
They pulled away soon, Dan panting only very lightly. “I didn’t see that coming..” He murmured with a small smile.

“You’re so innocent. It’s adorable.” Phil said and chuckled lightly and smiled a little as he admired Dan who he still was really close to. 

Dan blushed and giggled. “I’m not! How am I?” He asked shyly. 

“How are you innocent?” He asked, tilting his head and smiling. “You didn’t expect me to kiss you after we literally confessed our feelings to each other?” He continued, chuckling. 

Dan pouted and stuck his tongue out. “Whatever.” He giggled and shook his head. “I didn’t see it coming! That’s all!”

Phil giggled and nodded. “Okay, okay.” He said, leaning his back onto the bed frame and letting out a content sigh. 

Dan, without a word, laid down again and moved close to Phil, pulling him close and burying his face in Phil’s side, smiling contently. He stayed quiet, not even commenting on what he did. 

Phil smiled and blushed at what Dan did, wrapping his arm around him and ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, humming happily. 

Dan smiled to himself and listened to Phil’s humming contently. Even if it was only around four o’clock, he steadily drifted off into a little nap from the comfort Phil provided. 

Phil was so glad it was going well with Dan. He didn’t want it to be awkward between them or for them to argue because that sucked whenever it was like that. 

They both ended up taking a small nap for a couple hours, Dan cuddled into Phil and Phil resting his hand on Dan’s head from when he was playing with his hair. 

Dan woke up first, a couple hours later. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, looking up at Phil who he assumed was still asleep. He stayed still so he wouldn’t wake the other and traced light circles on his stomach. 

Phil woke up a bit after Dan when he felt light touches on his stomach. He chuckled sleepily and furrowed his eyebrows a little in confused. “What are you doing?” He asked, looking down at Dan. 

Dan stopped and looked up at Phil. “I find ways to entertain myself.” He smiled small and hummed. 

Phil giggled “Oh okay.” He said softly and smiled. He resumed playing with Dan’s hair, twirling his curls in his finger. “What time is it?” 

Dan smiled at the touch. “Mm.. Seven.” He whispered and yawned deeply. “Is there school tomorrow?” He asked. 

“Oh dinner’s now.” Phil said and the frowned a little as he thought. “Are we Friday today?” He asked. 

“I think..” Dan said and shrugged. “Wanna go get dinner?” He asked, looking up at him and resting his chin on Phil’s chest a little. 

Phil smiled at Dan when he looked up at him. He nodded, giving him a peck on his forehead before patting Dan’s head gently for him to get up so Phil would be able to. 

Dan smiled and nodded. He sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly, bottom lip poking out a little. Once he felt steady enough, he stood up and stretched. “Let’s go.” He smiled. 

Phil was about to put his arm around Dan as they walked to the cafeteria but realized he couldn’t since they’d get punished for you know, expressing who they were.   
Once they got there, the pair got their food and sat at their regular table. “You never told me how you felt about the food here.” He told Dan after he ate a little from his food. 

Dan looked at Phil, eating a little. “Uh.. Not good.” He said and frowned. “But I guess I can deal.. Until I eventually throw up.” He chuckled weakly. 

Phil nodded. “Just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we can’t at least eat good food.” He complained as he frowned at the contents in his tray. 

Dan chuckled lightly. “True.” He sighed and finished what he could, not even starting on the meat because that’s always the worst. 

“The only good thing is the juice and water because it’s store-bought and not actually made here.” Phil said, leaning back into his seat once he finished eating and picked up the juice box from the tray, poking a straw in it and taking a sip. 

Dan nodded. “Agreed.” He said and sipped the bottle of water he got. “Even still though, this water doesn’t seem like it’s seen a fridge in its life.”

Phil laughed softly and nodded. “That’s very true. It probably hasn’t.” He said, smiling. “At least we get mildly comfortable beds to sleep on.” He said, shrugging. 

Dan shrugged and nodded. “Guess so.” He said and yawned, rubbing his eyes. “God it could be so much better though..”

Phil sighed and nodded slowly. “I know, but to them we don’t deserve better.” He shrugged, smiling sadly. 

“Unfortunately.” Dan frowned and finished the water. “I’m done in here.” He said and sighed deeply. 

Phil nodded. “Me too.” He said and got up from the table, picking up his tray. “Let’s head back then. The smell of this place makes me sick.” He said as he put his tray away and then made his way back to their dorm room with Dan. 

Dan nodded in agreement. He put his tray away and started to walk back with Phil. When they got back, Dan quickly ran in and got into Phil’s bed, giggling to himself. 

Phil chuckled as he closed the door when he saw Dan lay on his bed. He went and sat on his bed, stretched purposely, leaning all the way back so that he laid on Dan horizontally. “Wow. This is such a comfortable position to sleep in. Honestly.” He said jokingly, turning his head to look at Dan with a smile. 

Dan looked at Phil and furrowed his eyebrows, shaking his head and giggling. “Yeah of course it is.” He huffed. “Move!” He chuckled. 

“You’re the one who came onto my bed!” Phil responded, smiling and giggling. “If anything you should move!” 

“Excuse me?” Dan asked, shaking his head jokingly. “I’m not moving!” He said and poked Phil’s stomach. “I just want cuddles.” He sighed overdramatically. 

Phil rolled his eyes jokingly and got off of Dan, rolling over so that he laid on his back and then pulled Dan to him, wrapping his arms around him tightly and stuffing his face in his chest. “Is this cuddly enough for you?” He asked with a giggle. 

 

Dan groaned, muffled by the pillow. He shook his head. “Way too cuddly.” He whined. “Come on!” He pouted. 

Phil let go of Dan, laughing at Dan’s complaining. “Fine, fine.” He said and chuckled. “I’ll cuddle you like a normal person.” He said shifting himself so that he laid comfortably and opened his arms so that Dan could cuddle next to him. 

“Good.” Dan smiled widely and cuddled up into Phil’s arms, poking the others nose. It’s funny how they weren’t even together, yet they were so close to one another without question. 

Phil smiled when Dan poked him and giggled. He started to play with Dan’s hair because honestly it was really fun to and his curls made it even better. “I really like your hair. It’s so cute.” He said in a soft voice as he stuck his finger in one of the curls that fell onto Dan’s forehead. 

Dan smiled. “Thank you.” He said softly and closed his eyes, relaxing into the feel. “I like when you play with it, it’s nice.” He murmured quietly. 

“Playing with it is fun. Plus you kind of relax your body so much like you’re melting which is also cute.” Phil said with a smile and sighed happily. 

Dan blushed a little and shook his head, smiling. “I am relaxed, I could fall asleep to you doing this.” He hummed. 

“Fall asleep then. I don’t mind sleeping next to you at all.” Phil said, smiling as he continued to twirl Dan’s hair in his fingers as well as running his fingers through his hair. 

“Maybe later.” Dan responded and closed his eyes. “I love this.. It feels nice.” He murmured. 

Phil smiled and hummed contently. The way they sat together felt so right. They hadn’t really established if they were in a relationship yet, but that was okay.   
After a couple moments of silence, Phil looked down at Dan. “When are you going to play the piano for me?” He asked with a smile. 

Dan ‘hmm-ed’ and looked up at Phil, tilting his head. “Whenever we can get to a piano?” He suggested, shrugging. “When would that be?” He asked, raising an eyebrow a little. 

“Well, not now since the sound of the piano would get us caught. Maybe tomorrow?” Phil replied, smiling a little. 

Dan nodded and smiled. “That sounds lovely.” He said softly. “I’d enjoy that.” He said. “Hopefully you don’t think I’m shit.” He giggled. 

Phil chuckled and shook his head. “Of course I won’t think you’re shit.” He responded and then shrugged. “Even if you were shit — which you probably aren’t— I’d still like it.” He said and smiled. 

Dan smiled a little and blushed. “Thank you.” He said softly and sighed, resting his head on Phil’s chest. 

Phil kissed his hair and gently rested his chin on Dan’s head. “This is nice.” He said in a quiet voice. “Like, how we are now. It’s much better than three weeks ago.” 

Dan hummed in response. “It is, I agree.”  
Eventually, he looked up at Phil, a small smile on his face. “You’re handsome..” He whispered without a second thought. 

Phil blushed and chuckled at Dan’s sudden compliment. “Thank you. You’re even more though.” He replied with a smile. 

Dan pouted and shook his head. “Hmmm. Nope.” He giggled quietly. “All you, you’re very handsome and no one else his handsomer than you.” He smiled widely. 

“Oh shush.” He said, rolling his eyes jokingly and then went quiet for a moment, looking down at Dan fondly as Dan looked at him. Before Dan could say anything, Phil leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, smiling into it before pulling away, cuddling him closer. 

Dan smiled into the kiss and after, buried his face into Phil’s chest. “It’s nice to feel wanted.. You know?” He hummed quietly. 

Phil nodded. “Yeah, it is.” He replied with a small smile and then yawned, covering his mouth with his hand as he did so. 

Dan smiled and sighed. “Tired?” He asked softly, tilting his head as he glanced up at Phil through thick eyelashes. 

“Just a bit.” Phil replied, looking down at Dan. “I’ll stay up if you’re gonna stay up though.” He continued, smiling gently as he spoke. 

“No no, you should sleep. I’ll sleep if you do.” Dan shrugged and smiled. “Uh.. Before you do sleep.. Can I ask a random question? Well.. It’s not random.. But yeah.”

Phil nodded, smiling small. “Of course. Go ahead.” 

“Uh, this gonna be lame.” Dan laughed nervously. “But it’s not like I can take you on a date and ask..” He continued. “Uhm, this might also be soon..” He rambled and shook his head. “Will you.. I.. Will you do me the honours of being my boyfriend?” He asked quietly, shyly, and hid his face in Phil’s chest. 

Phil blushed deeply, smiling widely and nodding. “I’d love to be your boyfriend.” He said softly, chuckling at how coy Dan was being. “This is like, the exact opposite of what our parents wanted to happen, but I’m not complaining.” He laughed a little. 

Dan blushed and hugged Phil tightly. He was happy beyond words. “Oh well, we can decide for ourselves.” He giggled and kissed Phil’s chest, as that was at eye level. 

“Yes, we can.” Phil beamed. He’d never expected this to happen because of what happened at the party but he was so happy that it did. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’ve liked you ever since you came here.” He said and chuckled. 

“Maybe?” Dan giggled. “I mistake feelings for kindness a /lot/.” He sighed and shook his head. “I’m glad this has happened now though.”

“I was gonna be nice to you even if I didn’t have a crush on you though.” Phil said and then nodded to Dan’s words, smiling. “I am too.” 

Dan sighed in happiness and closed his eyes. “Goodnight.” He whispered. “I love you.” He said shyly and yawned, rubbing his tired eyes. 

Phil blushed and smiled. “Goodnight. I love you too.” He whispered back and within a couple minutes, he was drifting off into sleep, holding Dan in his arms as he did so.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan: @ineffabledaniel (on Tumblr + ao3)  
> Phil: @get-up-danny-boy(on Tumblr)
> 
> Message us on Tumblr to tell us what you think so far!

They’d just got back to the dorm from having breakfast when Dan turned to Phil. “Hey, you wanted to hear me play the piano right? We could do it now?” He smiled. 

Phil gasped a little and smiled widely. “Yeah!” He exclaimed excitedly. “Let’s go!” He grabbed Dan’s hand and reopened the door, stepping outside the dorm before quickly letting go of Dan’s hand once he realized the consequences if someone saw them. He hated that he had to let go.   
Maybe one day they could freely express how they felt for each other without having to worry. 

Dan frowned at the remembrance that they couldn’t hold hands and sighed. They went off to the music room and Dan searched for a piano, soon finding one and sitting at it. 

Phil pulled up a chair and sat next to Dan, smiling as he waited for Dan to begin playing. It was a good thing that they kept the music and art classes open during weekends. They weren’t full deprived of improving their skills which was good. “I’m so excited to hear you play.” He told Dan with a wide smile. 

Dan smiled a little. He was anxious to mess up as he didn’t want to make a fool of himself. He bit his lip and thought, before beginning to play a song that he’d been practising for a while. 

Phil’s mouth was slightly gaped open in awe as he listened to Dan play. He pressed every key with such emotion. It made Phil fall for Dan even harder. He was completely mesmerized by how well Dan played and how talented he was. The smile on his face never faded as he listened — in fact, it grew bigger.

Dan exhaled deeply and closed his eyes as he finished, taking a second before he turned around to see Phil. He was so worried that he’d messed up and not realised. His cheeks were tinted a deep red and he bit his lip. 

Once Dan had stopped playing, Phil began to clap loudly. “That was amazing!!” He exclaimed with the widest smile glued to his expression. “You’re so talented!” He beamed. 

Dan blushed deeply and moved to quickly hug Phil. “Thank you so much.” He whispered. It was nice to actually hear that. 

Phil chuckled when Dan hugged him and immediately hugged back tightly. He smiled to himself and sighed happily. “I wish I could hear you play all the time.” He said in a soft voice. 

“We could do this again another time?” Dan suggested with a shrug, smiling some as he looked up at Phil from the hug. 

Phil nodded, looking down at Dan. “I’d love that.” He said, smiling gently.   
Finally this place wasn’t so bad after all now that he had Dan with him. 

Dan sighed happily. “Wanna go off and do something else?” He asked. “Wait what can we really do?” He frowned at that. 

Phil thought for a moment, looking at Dan. He got up from the seat he sat on and pulled Dan up to his feet gently. “I have an idea but it’s a surprise.” He said, a small suggestive smirk playing on the corner of his mouth as he lead Dan out the music room. 

Dan cocked an eyebrow in curiosity as he stood up and followed Phil out. Phil’s ‘surprise’ and his smirk were intriguing - he wanted to know more. “Hmm, okay?”

As the two walked back to their dorm, Phil turned to look at Dan. They walked really close to one another so that their hands brushed against each other from time to time. “Do you have any guesses for the surprise?” He asked, smiling. 

Every time their hands brushed, Dan just wanted to hold Phil’s, but he couldn’t. “Uhh, I don’t think so?” He shrugged a bit, he truly was clueless. “Gimme a hint?” 

Phil giggled and “hmm-ed”. “Well, it’s going to be fun.” He said and paused, shrugging. “I mean, I hope you find it fun or else that’s going to be a problem.” He said and chuckled to himself. 

Dan drew his eyebrows together. “Hmm okay.” He said. “I’m interested in what’s happening.”  
It didn’t take long for them to get back to the dorm, he turned to Phil. “So what’s your little surprise?”

As soon as Dan finished his sentence, Phil pulled him in, connecting their lips together into a kiss. 

Dan’s eyes widened when Phil initially kissed him, but he didn’t protest. He let his eyes flutter shut and kissed Phil back. 

Phil backed Dan up so that he was leaning pressed up against the dorm door as he let his hands travel down to rest on Dan’s hips, continuing to kiss him. 

As he hit the door, Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck, now kissing the other with more love and passion. 

The kiss between them progressively became rougher and more intense as the craving for one another increased. Phil gently, but demandingly, slipped his tongue into Dan’s mouth as he kissed him, letting the hand on Dan’s hip move to the door to lock it before moving it back to Dan’s body. 

Dan gave access to his mouth for Phil when it was clear he wanted it. He held him closer if possible as the kiss got more heated and Dan got more needy. 

Phil let out a soft, small moan into the kiss when Dan pulled him closer, his other hand now trailing to rest on the other side of Dan’s hips. Their bodies had no free space between them, which honestly Phil didn’t mind at all. The deepness of the kiss left them both panting softly into it as they explored each other’s mouths. 

Dan hadn’t been with anyone before, having grown up in a homophobic area, and this was way better than he ever thought it to be. He pulled away shortly after, panting and catching his breath. “More..” He murmured. 

Phil’s eyes fluttered open when he felt Dan pull away. The way his cheeks were a bright red made him even prettier. Other than the kiss, looking at Dan took his breath away.   
He nodded a bit without saying a word, leaning back in to kiss him as he pulled Dan’s shirt off of his chest. He kissed along his jaw softly before trailing kisses down his neck. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t mark Dan or else they’d get caught. 

Dan moaned almost silent as Phil kissed over sensitive spots on his neck, biting down on his lip and tilting this head to give Phil more room to explore. 

Phil began to grind his knee against Dan’s crotch as he continued to plant kisses all over the side of his neck, giving much harder kisses over the spots that he learned were the most sensitive, soothing the area with his tongue before lightly biting on it. 

Dan whispered and whined, rolling his own hips due to more desperation but got nearly no sort of contact. A chorus of pleads and curses fell from his lips without him thinking. 

Phil could feel Dan harden beneath the movements from his knee which turned him on even more. He pawed at Dan’s jeans and looked at him asking if this was alright with his eyes. Once he got the consent he needed, Phil unbuckled Dan’s jeans and slid them down to his ankles. The denim of Phil’s jeans dragged against Dan’s crotch when he dropped down to his knees, his tongue trailing over Dan’s stomach, grinning a little against his skin when he felt Dan drop his head back on the wall. 

Dan cursed softly and closed his eyes. He’d never done anything ‘explicit’ so this was all new to him. He loved it, so far, though. “Phil, please.” He panted. 

“You need to be quiet or else we’ll get caught.” Phil mumbled as he moved forward, dragging his lips along the inside of Dan’s thigh, biting at the soft skin and laying his tongue over it. 

Dan nodded and sighed. God being quiet was going to be hard but he was up for it. His breath hitched quietly when Phil bit at his skin, he felt his legs become weaker. 

Phil mouthed over Dan’s dick through his boxers causing his hips to shift forward in desire. He teased him instead, cupping him suggestively with one hand as he pulled himself up, meeting his mouth. 

Dan whined when Phil didn’t really give him too much attention. He quickly kissed Phil, bucking his hips into Phil’s hand to stimulate himself. 

Phil chuckled a little at Dan’s whine as their lips moved together in an open-mouthed kiss. He then slithered his hand underneath Dan’s briefs, then stroking him as they panted softly into each other’s mouths. 

“Fuck.” Dan whispered and moaned into Phil’s mouth as he finally got the attention he craved for. He tried to keep the volume of his moans and whines down due to fear of being caught. 

At some points Dan’s moaning would get a bit too loud so Phil had to shush him, smiling into the kiss every time he did so. He loved hearing Dan’s whispers and whines as he stimulated him. Dan could also most likely feel Phil’s outline in his jeans against his thigh. Honestly, the fact that they shouldn’t get caught gave this whole situation much more of a thrill to it. 

Dan pulled away after a while. He panted softly and rolled his hips. “Phil..” He breathed. “Fuck me, please.” He whines softly, cheeks tinted a deep red from the excitement of the situation and heat he felt. 

As soon as Dan said that, Phil lifted his arms up, rolling his own t-shirt up and casting it off, his bare skin hot against Dan’s. “You want me to fuck you?” He whispered, smirking as he kissed Dan’s jaw while he undid his buttons and stepped out of his pants, kicking them aside. “Want me to fuck you so good?” He continued, his voice husky as he spoke. 

“Fuck.” Dan whispered at the tone in Phil’s voice. He nodded quickly, desperately. “Fuck yes.. Please.” He whimpered needily. He was so worked up by now, he didn’t even give things a second thought.

Phil was honestly surprised by Dan wanting all of this considering what he said three week ago but he wasn’t complaining at all.   
He pulled away from kissing Dan and moved them away from the door so that now they stood in front of the wall next to the door. Phil turned Dan around so that he faced the wall and hooked two fingers in his mouth before whispering, “Suck them.” Into his ear. 

Dan didn’t even think, he was so eager now. He started to suck Phil’s fingers desperately. Once they were wet, he let them go before resting his head on the wall and bracing himself. 

Phil pulled his fingers away from Dan’s mouth with a wet sound and teased over Dan’s hole, pushing one in without any warning. He fucked him a couple times before inserting another finger. His other hand slid down from Dan’s hip and began stroking Dan once more as his fingers worked their way with stretching him. 

Dan gasped when Phil’s finger pushed through his rim. It was definitely a new feeling, but it wasn’t bad. “Oh my god..” He panted when Phil was both stretching him and stroking him at the same time. The feeling was so intense and he loved it. 

Phil continued to stretch him for a few more minutes as he kissed down the back of his neck and spine. He soon then pulled out his fingers, letting his head slide past Dan’s rim until he split him wide open with a thrust and a low grunt escaping from his mouth. 

Dan gasped and kept his mouth agape for a moment, trying to adjust. A moan slipped and he rested his hands on the wall, trying to steady himself so he didn’t fall. “Oh.. My god..”

“Fuck, you’re so tight..” Phil moaned, curling his fingers around Dan’s dick as his other hand was planted on Dan’s hips while he jerked himself forward into him. 

Dan’s legs became weaker by the second, struggling to hold his weight. “Ah ah.. Sh-shit..” He panted, trying to keep himself up, the pleasure causing his legs to shake a little. 

Phil thrust into Dan, the dorm room filled with the sound of their bodies coming together as Dan moaned, which led Phil to move one of his hands up to Dan’s mouth to cover it and shushing him, chuckling a little as he did so, to remind him to be quiet. He continued to fuck him harder and harder, Dan also meeting every stroke of Phil’s hand, also bending slightly over to press an open-mouthed kiss to Dan’s neck. 

Phil’s hand didn’t really stop Dan’s moans. It just silenced them. He couldn’t stop - everything was so good. He never wanted it to end.   
Some time after, he was close, unable to warn Phil because of his covered mouth. Only a second or two after that, he came, moaning even louder. 

As soon as Dan came, so did Phil, panting very heavily after he did. They’d be really lucky if they didn’t get caught because Dan was really loud with his last moan despite the fact that Phil was covering his mouth, but that didn’t do that much muffling. The sweat was beading off both Dan and Phil and they both were trying to catch their breaths. “Oh my god..” Phil breathed out, moving away from Dan and leaning himself on the wall next to him. 

Dan almost wanted to collapse. He was hot and exhausted. He kinda collapsed, falling into Phil’s side and leaning against him, panting heavily. “That was amazing..” He murmured and closed his eyes. 

Phil almost tipped over when Dan leaned against him because his legs were also weak, but he managed to keep himself standing. He breathlessly chuckled and nodded. “It was.” He looked down at Dan with a smile, panting softly. 

Dan looked up at Phil, breathless. “I need to lay down.” He whined, but didn’t move either. 

“You need to shower as well.” Phil said and chuckled, running his fingers in his hair to try and fix it. 

“Hmm.. I guess.” Dan yawned and sighed. “Come with?” He asked hopefully as he looked at Phil still. 

Phil chuckled and nodded. “Sure.” He said and sighed contently. Part of him was worried they’d get caught but he wasn’t going to let his worry ruin how happy he currently felt. He took Dan’s hand and led him to the bathroom where they showered, of course kissing each other lovingly and softly a couple of times as they showered. 

Dan grabbed a towel after they finished in the shower and passed another to Phil. He wrapped it around himself and went into the main room. He grabbed some soft clothing - as it definitely wasn’t time for bed and got changed into them. After that, he climbed into his own bed, waiting for Phil with a smile. 

After Phil got into his clothes, he got into Dan’s bed, wrapping his arms around him and rolling them over so that Phil laid on his back and Dan laid on his chest on top of them. He raised his head a little, giving Dan a quick peck on his lips and looked up at him, smiling. “So? Did you think that was fun?” He asked with a smile, referring to what he said earlier. 

Dan hummed in content and nodded. “Hm.” He hummed and gave him and grinned. “I did, it was fun.” He murmured. “I’ve never done that before.. So it was a good first time.” He giggled. 

Phil chuckled, looking up at Dan. “I’m glad you enjoyed your first time then. I also feel honored that your first time was with me.” He said smiling fondly at him. 

“I’m glad you were my first time.” Dan murmured. “I didn’t expect to be so tired after though.” He giggled and yawned. “‘m gonna nap. It’s lunch time so if you want, go get food while I’m sleeping.”

“Of course you’re gonna be really tired if your first time was with me.” Phil said, grinning and laughed a bit. “You aren’t hungry?” He asked, tilting his head a little. 

Dan raised an eyebrow and chuckled at his first comment, then shook his head. “I’d rather sleep right now.” He murmured and yawned. 

Phil nodded and flipped them over so that Dan was now beneath him. “Then sleep.” He said in a quiet voice with a smile, leaning in and kissed him softly before getting up from Dan’s bed. “Do you want me to bring you anything from the cafeteria?” He asked as he searched for socks to wear. 

Dan watched Phil, smiling a little and shrugging. “Uh, I don’t think so.” He murmured and yawned. “Maybe water?” He asked - it was the only half good thing in that place. Half good because it’s not exactly cold. 

Phil sat on a chair to put on his shoes and nodded. “Okay.” He said with a smile and then got up from the seat. “I won’t be long. You’ll be sleeping either way though.” He sighed softly and stretched before heading towards the door and unlocking it. “Bye for now.” He smiled and waved at Dan before leaving the dorm to the cafeteria. 

Dan waved a little. “Bye.” He said softly and closed his eyes. In a matter of minutes he was asleep, curling up and hugging the duvet close to him for comfort. 

Phil was nervous as soon as he stepped out of the dorm, his expression shifting from happy to anxious. He didn’t know whether any of the nuns heard them —he really hoped not. He didn’t want to know what the “extreme form of punishment” was at all.   
He was relieved though when he’d passed nuns and they hadn’t said anything to him so he let out a breath he was holding in.   
Once he got to the cafeteria, he got food and sat down by himself, wishing Dan was with him to keep him company but he managed. While he ate, he thought about what happened and smiled to himself.   
When he was later on done, he got Dan a bottle of water and headed back to their dorm room. 

Dan’s sleep never wavered once. He’d gone into a deep sleep and stayed in it the whole time. Ever since he and Phil slept in the same bed, he’d started to not get upsetting dreams that may wake up him up through the night, and it was refreshing and lovely. 

When Phil stepped back in the dorm room, he smiled a little when he saw Dan still sleeping and sighed contently. He put the bottle of water on the nightstand next to Dan’s bed and then went over to his school bag, taking out a book they had to read and then went over to his own bed and laid down on it to begin reading. 

Dan woke up around two hours to three after he initially woke up, yawning very quietly and rubbing his eyes as he came to. He didn’t move from his curled up position however. As he looked around, his eyes fell on Phil across the room. He didn’t speak though, just kinda watched him out of pure tiredness. 

Phil sighed when he —surprisingly— finished the book and threw it at the end of his bed. He stretched as he looked over at Dan to see if he was still sleeping and jumped a little when he saw him staring at him, putting his hand to his chest and closing his eyes for a second. “Jesus- You scared me!” He said and chuckled at himself, also smiling at Dan. 

Dan giggled tiredly and smiled happily up at him. “Oopsie.” He shrugged. “Accident.” He added - he didn’t fully realise he was staring at Phil either but apparently he was. “How was lunch?”

“Food was bad as usual and it was really boring cause you weren’t with me.” He shrugged and then got up from his bed and walked over to Dan, climbing onto his bed and laid down next to him on his back with a sigh, turning his head to look at him with a small smile. 

Dan nodded a little. When Phil got into his bed, he shuffled up to him and sighed. “Do they ever let us out? Like to town? I know some boarding schools do.. But it wouldn’t surprise me if this one doesn’t.”

Phil smiled a little when Dan went closer to him and put his arm around him. He thought for a moment, frowning a bit. “Uh, they’ve taken us out like..Maybe a good four times? To see churches and all that. It wasn’t fun because it was one of those churches decorated with homophobic posters.” He replied with a sigh. 

Dan nodded slowly. “Well that’s shit..” He murmured. “They’re treating us like prisoners, we might as well be..” He frowned. “I used to go to town on my own every weekend, for time alone and to relax..”

Phil sighed sadly. “It really sucks that we have so many things taken away from us just because we’re gay.” He spoke quietly to Dan as he looked at the closet in front of them. 

Dan nodded slowly. “Yeah, it does.” He murmured and closed his eyes. “I wish I kept quiet, my parents didn’t even like me in the first place..”

Phil looked down at Dan and hugged him closer, resting his head on Dan’s. “I’m sorry..I’m sure they did though, maybe if they didn’t really show it.” He said in a quiet voice. 

Dan shrugged. “They threatened to send me to a conversion school even before I even came out - apparently I was too loud and flamboyant, even though I wasn’t.”

Phil frowned at Dan’s words. “Oh..” He simply said and sighed, shaking his head. “This isn’t fair at all.” He muttered. “I wish we could break out or something.” 

“We might be able to..” Dan whispered. “One day we can figure it out.” He smiled gently. 

Phi nodded. “Yeah. We can go and live together and be free.” He replied, smiling small at Dan. 

Dan smiled. “That sounds lovely..” He murmured honestly. “We deserve our rights.” He sighed. 

“We do.” Phil said and also sighed. “I’m glad I have you though. I don’t think I could’ve gone any longer here without you.” He chuckled sadly. 

“I’m glad I have you too..” Dan murmured. “Wouldn’t have wanted to be stuck dealing with Alex with no one to help.” He joked a little. “But you’re lovely anyway.”

Phil unconsciously rolled his eyes at the mention of Alex. “Alex isn’t as fun as me so it would suck for you to be stuck with him.” He said jokingly and then kissed Dan’s hair, humming happily. “You’re even more lovely.” He said with a smile. 

Dan chuckled lightly. “You’re way more fun than Alex.” He murmured. “Hm, I’m not. You’re the loveliest!” He insisted. 

Phil rolled his eyes jokingly and chuckled a little, shaking his head. “I refuse to believe that.” He smiled small. 

“Well, sorry Lester, its very true.” Dan giggled and kissed Phil’s cheek. “And you can’t change the truth.”

Phil chuckled and smiled when Dan kissed his cheek. “Look, Danny,” He began, looking down at Dan as he spoke. “The only truth here is that you’re the loveliest and the most amazing person in the entire universe and you can’t change the truth.” He giggled a little and shrugged. “You can’t change my mind as well.”

Dan sighed deeply and shook his head. “God, you’re impossible.” He giggled and huffed. “Whatever, we have our opinions!”

Phil shrugged and nodded, smiling. “Yes we do!” He replied and gave Dan a quick but love-filled kiss. “You’re so pretty.” He whispered, resting his head on Dan’s head with a happy sigh. 

Dan sighed and smiled to himself. “Thank you..” He whispered back to him, a light blush sitting on his cheeks as he spoke. 

Phil looked over at the time and sighed. There was still around two hours until dinner. “What are we meant to do for two hours?” He complained, poking his finger in one of Dan’s curls. 

“Sleep.” Dan chuckled quietly. “I’m always tired.” He added with a shrug, looking up at Phil. 

Phil chuckled and looked down at Dan, nodding a little. “Sleep is good.” He said and adjusted himself so that he laid on his back with Dan cuddled close to him. “Let’s sleep then.” He said to him, smiling. 

Dan laid on his side and wrapped an arm around Phil’s waist and one leg over Phil’s. “Goodnight.” He giggled and smiled, closing his eyes and slowly drifting off to sleep. 

Phil put an arm over Dan, holding him close and smiled as he kissed his forehead. “Goodnight.” He whispered and closed his eyes, burying his nose into Dan’s hair as he drifted off into sleep until the next day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan: @ineffabledaniel (on ao3 and tumblr)  
> Phil: @get-up-danny-boy (on tumblr)
> 
> Message us on tumblr and tell us how you think!

Dan woke up to his alarm at 6:00am on the morning off school. He groaned and sighed, really not ready to be up. But he did. He saw Phil still asleep, god he must sleep through anything. When he was awake enough, he stood up and walked over to the closet, changing into some decent clothes. He’d showered the night before so all he did then was wash his face, brush his teeth and apply a deodorant. 

Phil woke up about thirty minutes after Dan’s alarm, and even then he didn’t get out of bed. Instead, he looked over at Dan, watching him move around for a couple seconds before he rolled over and curled himself into a ball as he pulled the covers over his head with a deep sigh. He was completely unmotivated to go to school that day. Nothing in him seemed to allow him to get up and get ready even though he knew he had to. 

Dan looked over at Phil once he heard the sigh and walked over to him slowly. “Phil? Love? Are you okay?” He asked softly. “You need to quickly get up now or you’ll be late to breakfast.” He said gently, pulling down the sheet so he could see Phil’s face.

Phil looked up at Dan once the covers were pulled off from face. He smiled small at him and nodded. “I’m fine. I just really don’t wanna go today.” He shrugged and sighed, sitting up straight and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. “I just wanna stay here with you.” He continued, pouting a little. 

Dan smiled faintly and nodded slowly, grabbing his bag. “I know.. I’m not gonna risk ditching again, especially not the whole day.” He sighed deeply. “We can do anything we want at lunch though because its a hour hour.” He smiled widely as he started to load his bag.

Phil nodded and forcefully got himself out of the bed. After dragging himself to the bathroom and getting ready for school, he sleepily ran his fingers through his hair to try and tame it with a yawn. “I hate today’s hours.” He grumbled as he picked up his bag from beside his bed. 

“Me too.” Dan agreed, now sitting on his bed and waiting for Phil. They hardly had any classes together today which sucked, and even the lessons they had together, they sat a bit apart. “Ready to go for breakfast?” He asked when Phil looked ready.

Phil shook his head and sighed. “No, but I have to so let’s go.” He mumbled and opened the door for a second before closing it, pulling Dan in for a quick kiss, smiling into it a little and then reopened the door. After Dan walked out, he closed the door and locked it before they headed together towards the cafeteria. 

Dan smiled widely and followed Phil out to the cafeteria. “I’m so tired.. Even though all I do is sleep.” He complained and wandered off to get food with Phil. He looked at the other as they stood in the queue. 

“You sleep as much as a cat sleeps, Dan, and cats sleep an average of fourteen hours per day.” Phil replied with a chuckle. He huffed as he stood in line with Dan as he let his eyes scan the cafeteria when they landed on Dan who was already looking at him. A smile appeared at the corner of his mouth and he tilted his head a little. “What?” 

Dan raised an eyebrow and shrugged, tilting his head. “Nothing.” He giggled quietly, humming and looking away as if he wasn’t just gazing at Phil. “What’re you getting for breakfast?” He asked. 

“I wanna be fancy and eat french toast.” Phil replied with a smile as he moved forward in line. The french toast wasn’t even that good but he didn’t feel like having cereal that morning. “You?” 

Dan shrugged a little as he thought. “Maybe pancakes? Haven’t tried them yet.” He chuckled lightly as they reached the serving point, he let Phil go first. 

“They’re alright. Edible at least.” Phil replied before receiving his breakfast tray then waited for Dan on the side so that they could head to their table together. 

Dan nodded and after Phil, he got his own tray. He caught up with Phil and walked with him to a table. They sat down and began to eat. “Today’s gonna drag.” He frowned. 

Phil nodded as he ate a piece from the toast and then sighed deeply. “Why does today feel so..bad?” He muttered and looked up at Day from his tray. “It’s like something bad’s going to happen.” He continued with a small shake of his head and a shrug. “I mean, probably not. It’s just a feeling.”

Dan shrugged a little but nodded. “I know what you mean, but I don’t know why.” He sighed. “I just want this week to be over with so we can get back to our dorms and spend the weekend together.” He frowned. 

Phil nodded and smiled a little. “So do I.” He replied in a quiet voice. 

They spent the remaining time for breakfast chatting to each other and when the bell for classes rang, Phil stood up with his tray along with a frustrated groan. “I hate this so much.” He grumbled as he put his tray away with Dan. 

Dan nodded and put his tray away too. “Agree.” He muttered and left the cafeteria. “I have music, you?” He asked, still unable to remember timetables. 

“Art.” Phil replied as he walked to class with Dan. “I hate the art teacher. He always screams whenever I accidentally do something wrong.” He complained and rolled his eyes to the thought of him. 

Dan sighed and nodded. “Music is okay… But the music selection? Now that is shit. It’s all religious anthems and shit… I wanna do my stuff, song I like, songs I wrote.” He frowned and shook his head.

Phil nodded and then frowned. “Why can’t they at least make an hour that’s actually fun? It all has to be religious and/or boring.” He complained, rolling his eyes a little. 

“I know right? I get we’re here because we ‘go against god’ but still! We are humans, we deserve a little fun, like let us have a little. Even on weekends, we don’t have a wide range of shit to do.” Dan huffed in annoyance. “Anyway… Time to split. I must leave to my jesus theme songs.” He chuckled sarcastically. “See you later, Lester.” He smiled a bit as he stopped to look at Phil.

Phil chuckled at Dan’s words as he ranted and nodded. “Well we have ways to have fun, if you know what I mean.” He said with a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth and winked at Dan. It took everything in him to not give Dan a kiss on his cheek before they parted their ways. “Bye, Howell.” He smiled back at him, admiring his appearance as he always did. He was always so attractive it was almost unusual. 

Dan was blushing as he walked away from Phil, thinking about what he had said as he went to music. They didn’t have a class together until after lunch, which was extremely boring. 

The first three classes dragged on for way longer than Dan had wanted them to, and at lunch, he had a mission, a want. He ran out of class to find Phil, who hopefully was at their lockers as that was where he was heading. 

Phil fell asleep in most of his first three classes, of course being scolded to stay awake several times by the teacher. It felt like years until lunch came around but he was so relieved that it did.   
As he stood at his locker, shoving books into it and trying to tidy them up, Dan popped up beside him causing Phil to smile. “Hello.” He said softly, closing his locker and locking it. 

Dan smiled widely as he approached Phil, quickly giving him a peck on the lips when the coast was clear. “I want something.” He whispered and looked up at Phil, his lower lip between his teeth as he waited for a response. 

Phil’s eyes widened with shock when Dan kissed him for a second, his worry immediately rising along with curiosity to why Dan was acting this way. When he looked around and saw no teachers or nuns were there, he calmed down. He then raised an eyebrow, a tiny smirk on the corner of his lips. “Something?” 

Dan nodded slowly, maybe a tad shy, but not really. “You.. I want you.” He whispered and bit his lip done more. “Like.. Now..” He whispered. 

Phil looked at Dan with surprise for a couple seconds, but his eyes filled with lust and was immediately aroused at Dan’s want for him. He looked around. There were too many people. Where could they possibly take care of this? “Where?” He whispered back, still having a smirk on his face as he looked back at Dan. 

“I… Uh..” Dan looked around as he tried to think of where to go and what to do. “Janitors closet.” He whispered, looking back up at Phil. “Please.”

Phil’s eyes scanned over the area they were in before he grabbed Dan’s hand and led him to the closet that was isolated from the crowd without another word. Once the were inside the tiny space, Phil immediately pulled Dan into a hungry, rough kiss, leaning him up the door as he did so. 

Dan smiled and giggled, kissing Phil back lustfully. He wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck and held onto him as they kissed. It didn’t take long for him to start to roll his hips into Phil’s in need. 

Phil had completely forgotten how risky this was. Here they were making out in a tiny closet in school where it was so easy for them to get caught but he didn’t care. Seeing how much Dan wanted him took over every single rational thought. He let out a soft moan into the kiss when he felt Dan’s hips move against his. The kiss was now open-mouthed as Phil fumbled with Dan’s button on his pants, barely being able to see because it was so dark. 

Once Phil had ahold of Dan’s and pulled them down, Dan helped him out by shimmying out of them before starting on Phil’s jeans. He swiftly undid the button and the zip before pulling them down. His need and want for Phil and this grew by the minute. Once they were both to their boxers, Dan continued to kiss Phil passionately and desperately. 

Phil slipped his hand into Dan’s boxers and began stroking him as their tongues fought for dominance in each other’s mouths into a wet and sloppy kiss that surprisingly made everything even better since it was just the right amount of messy. He panted softly into the kiss as the space between them was now nowhere to be found. 

Dan after some time, pulled away and looked at Phil. His eyes wide and pupils blown as he looked up at the other. “More..” He whispered through a moan as Phil’s hand was still on his dick.

Phil looked down at Dan with craving after pulling away and you bet hearing Dan ask for more turned him on even more. He looked around the tiny room noticing there was barely any space for them to properly move around but they’d manage. But to their luck there was the smallest table behind Phil with cleaning supplies on it that was big enough for their activity. He took his hand out of Dan’s boxers and quickly put the cleaning supplies on the floor, scattering them everywhere and creating noise that was way too loud but again, he didn’t care at the moment.   
He turned back to Dan and pulled him in to continue their kiss as he turned them both around so that Dan leaned against the table. 

Dan bit his lip and continued to kiss Phil, leant against the table. He moved one of his hands from around Phil’s neck to around his dick. He stroked him quickly, hoping to get him worked up enough to move on with things and get to the good stuff. 

Phil moaned into the kiss when Dan began stroking him, rolling his hips into the movement. His hands moved down to Dan’s boxers and began pulling them down, letting Dan’s name slip out from his mouth in the form of another moan at how much Dan was stimulating him. 

Dan pulled away and whined. “Phil please, more.” He whimpered, desperately. “Need you..” He whispered and kept on kissing Phil, stroking him too because he wanted to get on with all of it all. He was needy and whiny at this point, just wanting the stimulation too. 

Phil nodded, panting softly as he lifted Dan up so that he sat on the table while continuing to kiss him. He pulled down his own boxers, kicking them off his ankles and to the side as he kissed Dan and then fully took Dan’s boxers off so that they were now fully bare.   
Deep down he knew this was a terrible idea but the feeling for need was greater causing him to overlook the fact that they could get caught.   
He placed his hands on Dan’s hips as they kissed, standing in between his legs, Phil kissing along his jaw and down to his neck, sucking and biting on his most sensitive places. After a couple moments, he teased Dan’s entrance before pushing himself into Dan with a low grunt. 

Dan gasped and threw his head backwards so it was rested against the wall. He wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck to hold him close to him. As Phil started to thrust, he couldn’t stop his moaning. He didn’t think that this was risky, that the door was unlocked, that he was loud. It didn’t matter to him, all that mattered was this. 

Phil kissed down Dan’s chest as he continued to thrust, the moans coming out from Dan’s mouth being music to his ears. The sweat trickled down their bodies as their skin moved against one another. How long had they been in there? Maybe twenty minutes? Maybe more? Lunch had ended for sure and the hallways were most likely empty now which made their sounds much more audible. 

The noise from the cupboard became louder to the ear. A janitor was working on that corridor now and the minute he was close to the closet, he heard it. The janitor quickly ran off to get a nun. 

The two didn’t know at all what was going on, they kept at it. Dan moved a, rather shaky, hand to stroke himself, chasing his orgasm which was so close but so far. 

Just as Phil was about to orgasm, letting out a strained and breathless “Dan..”, the door swung open and that’s when his heart dropped out of his entire body.   
Oh fuck..  
“Philip Lester and Daniel Howell! What in God’s name are you two doing?!” The nun scolded, having an absolutely disgusted expression on her face.   
Phil pulled away from Dan and looked at him with utmost anxiety. He then hung his head low while the nun shouted at them some more to put on their clothes and go to her office.   
They were fucked, and Phil was not excited for his punishment at all. 

Dan pulled on his pants and looked at Phil. He was almost in tears, goddamnit. He shamefully stood up and walked out the room with Phil towards the nuns office.   
They arrived shortly as the office wasn’t too far and sat down in one of the chairs opposite hers.   
Dan wasn’t ready for something like this, what was even going to happen to them?

“Phil,” The nun began with a frown as she looked at the two. “This isn’t the first time you’ve done this, and you know that we told you if you did this again there was be very severe consequences.” She said, resting her hands on the table in front of her.   
Phil nodded and looked down in shame, not being able to look at Dan. This was so bad. He didn’t even know what to do anymore.   
“As for you Dan, I’m very disappointed in you. You shouldn’t have let Phil take advantage of you like that and should’ve known better. He’s like this with everyone. Don’t think you’re special to him.” She continued and her words caused Phil’s eyes to shoot up to her. 

He shook his head, looking from her to Dan then back at the nun. “That’s not true.” 

“Don’t talk back at me. You queer. You have no right to speak.” She said in a strict tone causing Phil to tighten his jaw and then look down. 

Dan, on the other hand, didn’t look up once. This was too much for him to process right now. “He didn’t take advantage of me.” He whispered shakily. “I was the one who initiated things.” He admitted. 

The nun tutted, shaking her head. “You obviously don’t know the consequences to something like this.” She sighed.   
“Now, talking of, you two know that you’re not leaving here without a punishment, right?” She began, looking at them.   
Dan and Phil just nodded slowly. 

“You two won’t be punished at the same time, however. In fact, Dan, you can leave for now. Phil, you stay.” She said, shifting her eyes from Dan to Phil, her eyebrows still drawn together in a frown.   
Phil looked at the nun with only the slightest fear showing in his eyes but he was terrified on the inside. He looked at Dan from the corner of his eyes before sighing deeply, rubbing his forehead with his hand. 

Dan frowned and looked at Phil, then the nun. He didn’t wanna leave Phil alone. “Sorry but what’s going to happen to him, to me?” He tried to ask in a polite voice. This was all so terrifying. What were the punishments? What ‘very severe consequences’ was Phil going to have to face?

“What’s going to happen to him is none of your concern.” She replied, now expressionless. “As for you, you’ll see later on. Now leave.” She ordered, the frown reappearing on her expression. 

Phil looked at Dan with the faintest smile. “It’s fine..Just go.” He whispered, looking away from him once he finished speaking and moved his eyes down to his hands that rested on his lap. 

Dan nodded. He felt horrible. He’d messed up and let Phil down. “I’m sorry.” He mouthed and stood up, leaving. He didn’t know if he should be returning to class, so he just didn’t, going to the dorm. Once he got there, he sat and read a book to try and help himself forget about things momentarily. He didn’t even care for missing class at this point. 

The nun and Phil made eye contact once Dan left. She firstly began by elaborating her previous scold which made Phil feel even worse about this whole situation. If only he hadn’t done this so many times then maybe the punishment wouldn’t be that bad. She ended her rambling by telling Phil to stand up and follow her to a room he hadn’t been to before which made him even more tense.   
He was so stupid. 

In the room, there sat a single chair and a huge screen. A confused expression appeared on Phil’s face when he was told to strip from his pants so that he was exposed in his lower half.   
“I..don’t feel comfortable doing that..” He muttered, not looking at the nun. 

“You should’ve thought about that before taking Dan into that closet. Do you really think that I believe Dan was the one who dragged you in there? You have no self-control. Poor boy..” She said, shaking her head. “Now strip and sit yourself on the chair.” She commanded in a dead set tone. 

Phil shakily breathed and did as he was told, very embarrassed about how he had to reveal himself to the nun. Once he was sat down, his anxiety grew even more when his wrists were strapped down tightly to the chair and the nun told him she’d be back. He tried to move his wrists but they wouldn't budge at all. He still had no idea what was going to happen but he was sure he wasn’t going to enjoy it. 

The nun didn’t take long to return and with her she brought an ECT machine and that’s when Phil finally realized what was happening.   
He wanted to get out so badly but he couldn’t.   
When the nun placed the electrodes on both sides of Phil’s head, she also placed around two on each of his biceps. She then explained that Phil was going to be shown a series of explicit photos of men as well as videos, and every time he’d get aroused, they’d send a shock throughout his body, increasing the voltage every time he did get “excited” because apparently “that was the way he’d finally learn his lesson.” 

As much as Phil didn’t want to, he did get aroused not too long into what was being shown to him which triggered the first shock that hurt so much more than he expected. His eyes teared up when he felt the electricity sting all throughout his body. Weren’t they supposed to take it easy on the first go?! They were also supposed to have given Phil some sort of anesthesia but apparently not.

This went on and on and on for maybe almost one to two hours and by the time the slide show had ended, Phil was absolutely drained. Every single body part hurt and he could barely move his legs—not to mention that his privates hurt like hell as well. What was even worse was that he was told that his punishment wasn’t done yet. Every time the electric shocks jolted in his head and arms, he’d clench his eyes shut and tighten his jaw a bit too hard, gritting his teeth against each other and his his whole body tensed up. His face was stained with tears that continued to silently go down his cheeks in pain. 

After around three hours, a nun appeared at the door of the dorm. Dan looked up from his book when he heard her enter.   
“Daniel I assume?”  
He nodded.  
“Follow me.”  
He nodded again, this time standing and walking behind her, anxiously. He didn’t want to ask what was happening in fear of being scolded. They arrived to a small room, the door locking behind them. 

“Strip.” She said simply, hands behind her back. Dan’s eyes widened. He looked at her in disbelief.  
“That’s not happening, I’m not comfortable with it.” He said quietly, she shook her head. “Do you think you have a choice? I said strip, or I’ll have someone strip you.” She scoffed. 

Dan teared up, anxiety taking over now. “I-I don’t want to..”  
“Do you want a worse punishment?” She snapped at him, looking at him in disgust.   
Dan shook his head before slowly starting to undress. His hands shook as he removed every article of clothing. This surely can’t be right, right? Once he was naked, he wrapped his arms around himself, tears rolling down his cheeks and his whole body shaking. 

After some time, a nun came up to him looking at him with distaste. “Have you learned your lesson, Philip?” She asked, folding her arms across her chest. Phil nodded in response, desperately holding back more tears. “Can you tell me what you did wrong?” 

“I-I did something I wasn’t supposed to even with a warning that this would happen..” Phil whispered and let out a whimper in pain when another shock went through him. 

“Wrong. You fucked another male in the janitor’s closet.” She spat. “Say it.” 

Phil’s eyes widened a little in surprise to the nun’s vulgar word choice. “I-I fucked another male in the janitor’s closet..” He said in a hushed voice. 

“And who was that male?”

“Dan..”

The nun nodded. “Correct. You two have unfortunately grown really close to one another, a shame really. Your parents pay thousands of dollars every year for you to be here and this is how you repay them?” She shook her head and then sighed. “After several, several shocks you seemed to be able to control yourself. That is, controlling yourself while looking at men who you don’t have a supposed sexual and emotional connection with.” She continued.

Phil listened as much as he could despite the ringing in his ears. His whole body felt weak and he could barely keep his head up. 

“If you can control yourself and your disgusting and unholy wants with what’s coming next, you’ll be able to leave this school. If not, then you will proceed to have electroshock therapy three times a week until your desires cease to exist.” The nun said. Phil tilted his head in confusion but also didn’t really want to know what was coming next. 

The nun then brought Dan in, and Phil’s eyes widened to the sight of him also have been stripped. Dan looked as terrified as Phil was, maybe even more. His eyes teared up and he shook his head quickly, pulling at the restraints on his wrists. “N-No. I don’t w-want to do this. I c-can’t do this.” He whispered, his voice cracking as he continued to shake his head, looking down. 

Dan looked at Phil as he entered. His heart ached to see how Phil looked, what the situation was. He felt wrong thought. This was so wrong. He felt disgusting. He didn’t know what to do, another nun had ordered him to hold his hands behind his back so he couldn’t hide any of his body. Tears still fell from his eyes and he was still shaking. 

The nun scoffed and looked at Phil. “What do you mean you can’t do this?” She raised an eyebrow and shook her head. “You seem to be fine seeing Daniel naked any other time, so why not now?” She hummed and looked at him directly. 

Phil looked away and shook his head, scoffing. “It’s not the same! The times I saw him naked were because we both wanted that to happen. I don’t want to see him like this! I don’t even want to know what’s going to happen and why he’s even here!” He yelled through tears which triggered another electric shock to be sent through him as a way to tell him to watch his tone. He knew exactly what was going to happen and why Dan was here. They were going to use Dan to try and arouse Phil which was a really harsh punishment. 

“It’s apart of your punishment, Philip. You don’t get in a say in this at all.” The nun scoffed and watched out for Phil getting aroused.   
Dan shivered a little and looked down, tears falling to the floor. This was so unfair. He hated what they were doing to Phil. “Please can we stop this?” He asked shakily, voice wavering from anxiety. “I don’t like it..”

“No we can’t stop this, Daniel. This is because both of you don’t seem to understand that how you are is wrong. It’s disgusting. It’s a sickness. This is the only way to cure it.” The nun said, looking at the two with antipathy. “Now, Philip, as I said: If you can control yourself, you get to leave. It shouldn’t be hard considering you were able to earlier.” She said and shrugged. She then turned and looked at Dan. “As for you, Daniel, start touching yourself.” Her face was expressionless as she spoke, twirling the remote for the ECT machine in her hand, unlike Dan and Phil who both had widened eyes to her words. 

Dan gasped quietly and looked up, blinking a few times as he processed the order. He couldn’t. That was wrong. This was all wrong!  
“No.. I’m not going to do that.” He said, shaking his head. “This is wrong enough.” He said and looked down. “You can’t make me do that..”

The nun raised an eyebrow at Dan’s disobedience and scoffed. “Oh? Okay.” She said, nodding. That’s when she pressed the button once more, causing the electricity to blow throughout Phil again, this time causing him to go unconscious for a moment since he’d been receiving so many strong shocks. The nun pointed with the remote at Phil, who had his head hanging low with his eyes closed, looking at Dan. “Do you see what you did?” She asked, walking over to Phil and patted his cheeks for him to wake up. 

“Me?!” Dan snapped and shook his head, becoming more angry but also scared. “You’re the one shocking him! And for what? Attraction? It’s unfair!” He said, slowly starting to cry again. “This is wrong! It’s against the moral law even! No one deserves this treatment..” He sniffled. “Stop it! Stop it.. Stop..” He said, breaking down there and then. 

Phil woke up to the tapping on his face and Dan’s voice, his ears ringing and his head having a strong stinging pain. He shook his head, looking back at the nun as he pulled again at the restraints. “I-I’ll just go through the therapy three times a week! I don’t want Dan to be involved in this..Please..” He said, his voice cracking. 

The nun sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine. Let’s make it four times a week since Dan didn’t do his part in this.” She said and took off the restraints from Phil’s wrists and detached the electrodes from his body. Phil didn’t say anything else. Even if he complained about it being four times a week, she probably wouldn’t bring it back down. In fact, she’d make it to five days. “Get dressed. Hopefully you learned your lesson, Philip.” And with that she left the two in the room, both shaking but quiet. 

Dan sobbed with his head in his hands, shaking his head. What the fuck did he do? He ruined all of this, it was all his fault, right? 

“I’m so sorry..” Dan mumbled through heavy tears. “This is unfair.. You don’t deserve this.. I’m sorry.” He rambled onwards. He felt horrible. 

Phil didn’t speak. He simply got up from the chair, losing balance for a moment, feeling the floor spin beneath him but managed to catch himself. He put on his pants and shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself. “Leave me alone..” He whispered but his tone was surprisingly harsh. He walked past Dan and left the room. Part of him was now slightly angry at Dan and the other part of him was angry at himself. He should’ve been more careful. He knew this was going to happen if he kept going after Dan and now he had to deal with being shocked four times a week for hours. 

Dan was taken aback at Phil’s harshness. He shouldn’t be surprised though. After awhile of just crying, pulling roughly at his hair, he got changed and left the room. He took the sad walk back to the dorm, where the vibe was going to be off. 

He arrived into the dorm and didn’t speak to Phil, walking past him and sitting on the bed, looking straight at the wall. He’d never hated himself so much, he didn’t know it was possible to hate himself that much. 

Phil looked up at Dan for a moment when he walked in and sighed deeply before looking away. He didn’t know what to or what to say. What could he say anyways? What happened changed everything. He was sure they were never going to go back to how they used to be. 

Dan stayed quiet for a while, filing through all the things he could possibly say to Phil. There was so much he had to say. Not only did he ruin their relationship, but he ruined things for Phil personally. He couldn’t believe what this came to. 

“You probably don’t want to talk to me, or look at me. You probably even hate me.. But I need to express how sorry I am.” He whispered quietly. “I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t expect this to happen. I thought it’d be okay” He whispered. “I hate myself for all of this. So I wouldn’t be surprised if you hate me too.. I’m sorry Phil, so fucking sorry. From the bottom of my heart.” He rambled. “You mean everything to me and to know you’re going to have to put up with this, it breaks my heart.. I’m so sorry..”

“You thought it would be okay for us to fuck in the janitor’s closet? During school hours?” Phil asked with an eyebrow raised once he looked back at Dan. “You didn’t expect us to get caught with how loudly you were moaning?” He continued, looking at Dan with no expression since he was too exhausted to express one. “Why couldn’t you have done what you were told to do? There was a chance that I wouldn’t have to go through that sick therapy if you did. Now I was given no choice and am forced to go.” He muttered with a frown appearing on his face. 

Dan brought his eyebrows together to look at Phil. “I’m sorry, but if you knew how risky it was, why didn’t you say no? Because you wanted it as much as I did, didn’t you?” He laughed sadly and wiped his eyes. “Fine, blame all of this on me. I wasn’t going to fucking touch myself in a situation like that Phil, do you even blame me?” He said, tears falling harder and he choked on a few sobs. “But still, even if I wasn’t here, you probably would have done it with someone else anyway. That’s what you’re known for right?” He whispered, not thinking as he cried. “You can’t put all of the blame on me no matter if I do deserve it..”

Phil shook his head and scoffed in disbelief at Dan’s words. “You seemed so eager to be touched earlier so you could’ve done it then.” Why would he even say that? Now he knew he wasn’t thinking at all. He glared at Dan with hurt and anger when he heard what he said about him being known for sleeping around. “Shut the hell up..” He growled through gritted teeth. “Even if I’m known for fucking around, you’re still the one who initiated it. I don’t know why I didn’t stop it. You whining got to me. I wish I stopped it. I wish I never even slept with you in the first place so all this could be avoided because I had myself under control before I met you.” 

Phil’s first statement caused Dan to feel utterly disgusting. He curled up and shivered. People tended to call Phil a slut, but in that moment, he felt like one. Then came more words, more hurt, more venom. “I..” He whispered. “That fucking hurt.” He said shakily and wiped his eyes. Did Phil actually regret meeting Dan? It felt like all the air was sucked out his lungs and he couldn’t make a coherent thought. He was crying, shaking and hyperventilating.  
Then he got up and ran to the bathroom. He slammed the door shut and fell to the floor against the door, pulling his knees to his chest and sobbing into his knees. Everything hurt. 

Phil watched Dan go into the bathroom and then sighed deeply. He felt terrible for what he said to Dan. He didn’t regret meeting him. He didn’t regret it at all. But he was just so angry about what happened and what was going to happen. He was so angry that he let all of this happen in the first place. If only it wasn’t in school, then they wouldn’t have been caught. Sure, Dan started it but Phil had the choice to end it yet he didn’t. This was all mostly Phil’s fault and the only thing he regretted was how much he hurt Dan. 

What could he do now? Dan felt as if ruined everything he had. Phil was the only good thing to happen to him in all of his years, and he was gone now. Not really gone, just done with him. After some time he stood up and locked the door. Dan made his way to the cupboard and pulled out razor refills for shaving. He looked at one intently for a while. Then he looked in the mirror.   
‘Do it’. His head told him. So he did, in a quick movement, he pulled it over his wrist, not even feeling it. He felt so numb. He did it several times before dropping to the floor again, shaking. “I’m sorry.. I’m sorry.. I’m so fucking sorry..” He rambled to himself, but it was all for Phil. He tugged his hair and sobbed. 

Phil heard Dan beginning to sob a while later. He’d been in the bathroom for so long and Phil felt terrible. He got up from his bed and walked over to the bathroom, knocking on it and placing his ear on the door to listen to Dan. “Dan..I-I’m sorry..Please come out. You’ve been in there for a while..” He whispered, closing his eyes as he leaned against the door. Feeling anger towards Dan wasn’t going to make things any better. It was going to make things even more worse than they already are. 

Dan heard Phil and shook his head, whimpering as he pulled his sleeve down over the fresh wounds. He kicked the refill away under the sink and folded his arms. “No. Don’t pretend like you care.” He said uneasily. “I’m fine.. Just.. Fine..”

Phil sighed and shook his head. Great. Now things were ruined for sure. “Of course I care damn it. I’m just..angry..I’m sorry. Please come out so we can try to resolve this..” He spoke in a calm voice rather than the irritated tone that he was using earlier. 

“Resolve what?” Dan asked, voice quiet and empty. Void of all emotion. “It’s all ruined. I ruined it all. There’s nothing we can do. I’ve destroyed us and you.” He said. “You should hate me. I deserve this.”

Phil began to silently cry again as he listened to Dan. “Would you rather us stay like this—however this is— forever? Or for us to at least be friends?” He spoke, his voice breaking at one point but he overlooked it. “I don’t hate you.. I can’t hate you. Please..” He whispered, wrapping his arms around himself as he leaned his forehead on the door, watching the tears drip onto the floor. 

“How can this be fixed?” Dan asked. “There’s nothing to be done.” He whispered and looked down at himself. “I’m disgraceful, I should have not initiated things and I should have done what the nun told me to do.” He whispered. “I failed.. I failed you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry..” He sniffled. 

“No..No I shouldn’t have said what I said earlier. It would be awful if you did what she asked you to do. I wouldn’t have wanted you to anyways..” Phil whispered in response. “I don’t know how to fix this but I want us to..I don’t want us living with each other with so much tension. I want us to talk and laugh again..But I don’t know how..” He wanted to hug Dan so badly but Dan wouldn’t come out and it broke his heart even more. 

“I don’t like this. I don’t want this.” Dan whimpered and pulled at his sleeves. He curled up on the cold floor - he didn’t feel like moving. The door was unlocked though. “But how can we change it, the damage is done. Now four times a week, every week, I’m gonna be reminded of what I did wrong..”

“I-I’ll go talk to the nun. I’ll figure something out.” Phil said as he shook his head. He placed his hand on the door knob and turned it, hearing the click letting him know it was open. He slowly swung the door open and saw Dan on the floor. “I’m so sorry..” He choked out at the sight and knelt down next to him. “It’s not all your fault. It’s mostly mine. I don’t regret meeting you. I’m so sorry for saying that..I didn’t mean it at all.” He whispered, shaking his head and then wiped his tears as he looked at Dan. 

Dan sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. “I’m gonna talk to her.. Not you.. Please, Phil.” He whispered. “You’re not to blame for any of this, I swear.” He mumbled. “I’m sorry, Phil. I’m sorry for this all.” He whispered and looked up at Phil with tears eyes. “I’m gonna fix it.. Well, what can be fixed. I’m gonna make sure you don’t go through that again.”

“I am to blame. I could’ve stopped it like you said but I didn’t. I knew it wasn’t going to end well but I went with it anyways.” Phil spoke in a hushed voice. He hated how they were so much. He never wanted them to end up like this. “You don’t need to talk to her..” He whispered and then wrapped his arms around Dan into a one-sided hug. They were both shaking but Dan was shaking more. “I’m sorry..” 

Dan sniffled and wrapped his arms around Phil in return after he apologised. He whimpered and winced due to the pain in his left wrist but didn’t pay any mind. “I’m going to.” He said surely. “Don’t be sorry, I’m sorry.”

Phil frowned a little when he heard Dan whimper and pulled away from him, keeping their faces close to each other though. “Are you okay?” He asked with a concerned look on his face. It sounded as if Dan was maybe hurt when he whimpered which caused Phil to worry. 

Dan looked up at Phil and frowned, shaking his head. “I’m okay.” He nodded. “Don’t worry.” He whispered with a faint smile. “I.. I’m gonna go talk to the nun.” He murmured and stood himself up. He wasn’t about to tell Phil. 

Phil sighed when Dan got up, leaving him on the floor. “You really don’t have to, Dan.. It’s fine. I can talk to her and if it doesn’t work out I’ll just deal with it happening..” He shrugged and looked up at Dan. 

Dan shook his head. “I’m going to fix what I did. Well, try.” He whispered. “See you soon.”   
He wandered off out the dorm, down the halls and to the nuns office. When he arrived, he knocked on the door politely, opening it after. “Uhm, Miss? Could I talk to you, please?” He asked softly. 

The nun looked up at Dan from her desk and sighed. “What’s there to talk about, Daniel?” She replied, folding her arms across her chest. “What happened, happened. There’s always consequences to your actions.” 

“Exactly.” Dan whispered and sat down on the chair. “Uhm, as much as you don’t believe it, I actually was the one who initiated things, I was the one who caused all of this. This isn’t me trying to defend Phil, it’s me standing up for my actions and taking responsibility.” He mumbled. “I regret trying to initiate things, I really do. I don’t think Phil should be the one punished when I was the one who is responsible. I never thought I’d be asking, but please, punish me because I’m the one who deserves it.”

The nun thought for a bit as she listened to Dan while looking at him. “Philip received this punishment because he’d done this several times and was previously told if he’d get caught this would happen. Are you sure you’re the one who started what had happened? He doesn’t deserve to be protected if you are protecting him.” 

Dan nodded a little. “I’m sure. At the start of lunch, I went to him. Then I told him that I wanted it. Yes he had the choice to stop it, but I was the one who brought it on. It wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for me. I’m not protecting him, I’m telling the truth through the goodness of my own soul. I’m not a liar.”

The nun shook her head and sighed deeply. “Then you’ll be having electroshock therapy just once per week since this is your first time— and hopefully your last— for two months. Philip won’t be punished since it seems that you are telling the truth. You can tell him that.” She spoke and then leaned back into her seat. “If I see or hear you two performing any more of those heinous acts, know that I will have no mercy on both of your souls.” 

Dan gulped and nodded. He didn’t want it, but it was worth it, for Phil. “Okay, thank you ma’am.” He said and stood up, leaving the room. He went back to the dorm and sat down. “You don’t have to go to that horrible therapy thing anymore.” He said and looked at Phil. The thing is he wasn’t going to tell Phil that he had to. 

Phil looked up at Dan, frowning a little. “What? How?” He asked. He was very confused on how the nun actually listened to Dan and stopped his therapy because that wasn’t like her at all, especially since he’s done something like that before. 

“I spoke to her and she changed her mind.” Dan murmured. “But if were caught again there will be no mercy, she said.” He sighed and shrugged.

Phil nodded slowly and sighed. “Well, thank you, honestly. I just don’t understand how you changed her mind so easily.” He shrugged a little. 

“Well it did take some.. Sacrifices.” Dan shrugged a little and layed down, laying so he was looking at the wall by his bed. He tugged the sleeves of his jumper over his hands and closed his eyes. 

“Sacrifices?” Phil asked, tilting his head a little in concern. “What sacrifices?” He paused and frowned. “What did you do..?” He asked in a quiet voice. 

“Nothing, don’t worry.” Dan said. “There’s literally nothing going to happen now really.” He lied really easily. He turned and looked at Phil, smiling faintly. “I fixed that.. But I doubt I can fix us, I’m not good at that.. I’m better at ruining things.” He chuckled sadly. 

Part of Phil believed Dan but most of him didn’t. There was something still off about the fact that she changed her mind so easily but Phil wasn’t going to look into it more currently. He sighed and looked at Dan. “I don’t want us to stay like how we are now forever though.. Maybe we just need time..” He furrowed his eyebrows a little. Them staying like this would be the worst possible thing to happen. One reason was because they lived together, and the other reason was because Phil didn’t want to fully lose Dan at all.

“I agree.” Dan whispered and wrapped his arms around himself, looking down with tears welling once again. This was gonna be hell. “I’m sorry.” He said did what felt like the hundredth time that day, and probably was. 

Phil’s expression saddened when he heard the tears in Dan’s voice. He got up from his bed and walked over to Dan then leaned down slightly to wrap his arms around him. “We’ll be okay..” He whispered. 

“I shouldn’t have done anything. I’m the reason we’re here, I didn’t mean for it to happen..” Dan rambled, sniffling. “I’m sorry you had to go through the stuff they made you go through.” He shook his head. At least now he wouldn’t have to feel too guilty because he was going to get what he deserved, not Phil. 

Phil sighed and pulled away from Dan, sitting himself on the edge of the bed next to him. “You were right though..Even if you weren’t here I would’ve ended up in that room either way. It is what I’m known for after all..So don’t feel like you should take full blame.” He shrugged and looked down at his hands which rested on his lap. 

Dan sat up and wiped his eyes. “No. It was wrong of me to say that. I shouldn’t have said that. I wasn’t thinking.” He sniffled and looked down. “I’m sorry.. You’re more than what people know you for. I’m sorry..”

“I’m not mad at you for saying that because you are right. It’s fine, really.” Phil said and looked up at Dan, smiling faintly. “I don’t know if I’m ‘more than what people know me for’. I just see myself as what they know me for.” He sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry too.” 

“That’s not true, Phil. I was wrong. You are more than what they say you are.” Dan shook his head and pulled his knees to his chest. “You have nothing to apologise for at all. You did nothing wrong.”

“I said things I didn’t mean that hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. The situation was bad enough and me being angry and saying what I said didn’t help at all. So I am sorry.” Phil said, looking at Dan with sadness. 

“Eh, I deserved it.” Dan sighed and closed his eyes. “But thank you for the apology.” He murmured and looked down, hugging his knees tightly to himself. “I wanna forget this..” He admitted, even though he knew that’d be hard with what was to come. 

Phil nodded and sighed, looking back down at his lap. “I know. Me too.” He said in a small voice. “Again, we just need time. Then we can go back to how we used to be..” He paused for a moment. “Maybe not exactly how we used to be. Maybe minus the whole, um, relationship part..Which I hate that that has to happen. But as friends.” 

Dan frowned and scratched his arm nervously a little. “I hate it too..” He murmured. Great. Three days into the relationship and it was gone. That was a great first relationship impression. Never again. “It sucks.”

“It does..” Phil said and sighed. His eyes glanced down at Dan’s arm when he was scratching it causing them to widen when he saw what seemed to be blood stains coming from his left wrist. He felt his heart stop and an overwhelming amount of guilt slap him in the face. “Dan..?” He said in a quiet voice, shifting his eyes up from Dan’s wrist to his face. 

Dan looked up at Phil and tilted his head a little. He seemed worried? “Uhm, yeah?” He asked quietly. “What’s wrong?” He then asked, biting his lip anxiously. 

Phil looked at Dan with his mouth slightly gaped open as he tried to search for the right words to say. Was this his fault? Of course it was. As soon as he said those horrible things to Dan he went off into the bathroom. No wonder he didn’t come out for a while. “Your wrist..Is that because of me..?” He asked with a small frown. “I-I’m really sorry. I never wanted you to hurt yourself because of me. I’m so sorry..” He rambled, tears now forming in his eyes. He was such a horrible person for being the cause of Dan’s scars and at that moment he hated himself so much. 

Dan opened his mouth a little in shock. “Oh.” He whispered and looked down. Shit, he didn’t think that through. “It’s not because of you. Why would it be?” He sniffled and frowned. “I brought it all on myself. I did it because I deserved it.” He whispered and looked away, crossing his arms across his chest tightly. 

Phil shook his head, frowning. “No! You don’t deserve it Dan. You don’t deserve being hurt at all even with what happened.” He wiped a tear that fell from his eye. “If I hadn’t been so angry at you then you wouldn’t have had to go into the bathroom and we could’ve-“ He let out a shaky breath in between his words. “We could’ve talked it out. I’m sorry.” 

“No.” Dan whispered. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. It’s all mine.” He sniffled. “I’m so sorry, please don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault. I swear on my life it’s not your fault.” He shook his head and hid his face in shame. 

Phil didn’t say anything else and instead pulled Dan into a hug. “Please don’t do it again..” He whispered as a couple tears dripped down onto Dan’s shirt, the fabric soaking up the droplets. “I’m sorry that we ended up like this.. I hope we can go back to normal soon..” 

Dan hugged back weakly, gripping to the fabric of Phil’s shirt. “I-I won’t.. I’ll try not to.. It needs to go back to normal.. I don’t like this.” He sniffled and buried his face into Phil’s shoulder. “You mean too much to me..”

“I don’t like this either..In fact i hate it.” Phil smiled sadly and nodded. “You mean too much to me too and I never want to be close to losing you ever again..” He whispered. 

“Me either. Never ever.” Dan said, shaking his head. “I wanna sleep.. This has been too much for one day..” He whimpered and pulled away, looking down. 

Phil nodded and looked down as well. “Yeah..It has.” He said and then as much as he didn’t want to, he got up from Dan’s bed. “Goodnight..” He said and smiled faintly at him before turning to go to his bed. He didn’t want to sleep alone. He wanted to hold Dan in his arms as they slept together but he couldn’t do that anymore. 

Dan frowned and nodded. He didn’t want sleep alone either. He wanted Phil. He sighed sadly and curled up under his sheets. It was cold without Phil. “Goodnight..” He murmured. 

Phil went over to his bed and let out a sigh after sitting down on it. The bed felt so big without Dan in it and Phil didn’t like that at all. It took some time for him to fall asleep. He kept tossing and turning and sighing as he thought about what happened. His head still hurt a lot and he didn’t even know when it would stop hurting. What still stuck in his head was what ‘sacrifices’ Dan had to make for him to not go to that therapy every week. 

Dan sighed and kept tossing and turning. He couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t comfy. He debated getting out of bed and going to ask to join Phil but decided against it. He pulled his sheets close to himself to hopefully compensate for the loss of Phil’s comfort. 

Phil at one point sat up straight in bed with frustration and put his face in his hands, letting out a deep sigh as he shook his head. This was terrible. He sat cross legged as he picked at his fingernails. He glanced over at Dan and opened his mouth to say something but then decided not to even though he really wanted to. He wanted Dan so much but he couldn’t ask him to come to him. 

Dan sighed and looked up at the ceiling. This wasn’t gonna work. He looked over to Phil to see him awake. “Can’t sleep?” He asked, smiling faintly and yawned. All he wanted to do was be in Phil’s arms, way was this too much to ask. 

Phil nodded when he heard Dan’s voice and chuckled sadly. “Yeah..Just finding it slightly hard to.” He replied, smiling a little at him and then looked down at his fingers, sighing small. 

Dan nodded and shook his head. “Me too.” He murmured and sat up a little. “It’s not the same without you.” He whispered very quietly and looked down. But then instantly regretted saying that, not wanting to seem needy. 

Phil looked at Dan when he heard his whisper, trying to find the right words to say. Wait, he didn’t need to say anything at all. He quietly got up from his bed and walked over to Dan, gesturing for him to move. “Scooch over.” He whispered, smiling a little but his smile still had a hint of sadness. 

Dan smiled faintly and moved over. “Better.” He said softly and pulled Phil close to himself, curling up. “Are you okay?” He asked quietly, tilting his head. 

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan and sighed, shrugging a little. “Yeah, I guess..Are you?” He asked looking down at Dan with a small frown. 

“As good as I can be.” Dan shrugged and smiled faintly. “Today has been a lot.” He yawned. “I’m done with it..” What came to mind was he didn’t even know when he was to go to the ‘therapy’. How long would it last? Oh whatever, it’s worth it for Phil. 

“So am I..Let’s just try and get past it.” Phil replied and sighed. It was going to be hard to get past it but he knew that they needed to. It wouldn’t be good at all if they didn’t after all. 

“Uhm, weird question, for no reason, how was that.. ‘Therapy’ thing today? Uhm, you don’t have to answer if you aren’t comfortable but.. Yeah.” Dan whispered. 

“Uh..” Phil frowned as he thought back to it. “Pain level? It sucked. Like, I think you’re supposed to have some sort of anesthesia but I wasn’t given any so it hurt like hell. My head still hurts and there’s still a faint ring in my ear. Also, if you remember, I did pass out at one point so that was fun.” He shrugged and shook his head. “They show you like a series of photos and videos of guys and every time you get aroused you get shocked until it’s to a point where your dick hurts too much to actually function or you’re just too scared to get aroused.” 

Dan frowned and looked down. Well fuck. This wasn’t going to be fun. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Oh, th-that’s not fun.. Oh god..” He murmured. Anxiously, he bit his lip and hid his face in Phil’s shirt. Why? 

“It’s alright..At least it’s over. I wasn’t looking forward to doing it four times a week, so thank you for stopping that.” Phil said and sighed. He looked down at Dan on his chest, running his fingers in his curls. “What are the, um, sacrifices that you had to make though? I’ve been thinking about that ever since you told me.” 

Dan shook his head. “It’s okay, of course.. And those sacrifices don’t matter. It’s okay now. You’re gonna be okay.” He said softly and closed his eyes. As much as he didn’t want to go through it, he had to now. 

“Will you be okay though?” Phil asked with concern in his voice. “And of course they matter if it means you won’t be okay.” He said 

Dan just nodded in response and sighed deeply. “Yeah.” He whispered and shrugged. “It’s all fine.”

“Okay..I just don’t want you getting hurt anymore. I’d feel really bad if you did.” Phil replied and sighed. 

“I’ll be fine. You shouldn’t even have to feel bad.” Dan whispered and rubbed his eyes. Was he really going to be fine. Once a week, for two whole months, for god knows how many hours, he’d have to go through that bullshit ‘therapy.’

“Of course I’d feel bad! It was my punishment and if you-” Phil paused for a moment and frowned. Wait, Dan couldn’t have possibly done what Phil thought. The sacrifice couldn’t be that Dan was going to go through what Phil did, right? “You didn’t tell the nun you’d take those therapy hours instead of me right..?”

Dan looked up at Phil and shook his head. “Not really.” He murmured and shrugged. “I’m just going to regular therapy once a week for two months. That’s it.” He lied simply. 

Phil let out a sigh of relief and nodded. “Oh okay. Good. You didn’t have to do that though still. Even the regular therapy sucks but it’s not that bad.” 

Dan nodded slowly. He felt bad for lying but he had to. He didn’t want Phil to change anything.. “Yeah.” He whispered quietly. 

Phil sighed and shifted himself so that he was in a more comfortable position. “Anyways, it’s late. We should sleep.” He said in a quiet voice, pulling Dan a bit closer to him, wrapping his arms tightly around him. 

Dan nodded a little and closed his eyes. “Okay, goodnight.” He whispered and yawned, cuddling into Phil. 

“Goodnight.” Phil replied and this time it didn’t take that long for him to fall asleep which was good because at that point he was purely exhausted.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dan: @ineffabledaniel (tumblr and ao3)  
> Phil: @get-up-danny-boy (tumblr)

It had been a month now. Though he’d only been to the therapy four times, it impacted him a lot. Because of his inability to actually control himself, the therapies lasted around four, maybe even five hours. Over time it took a serious toll on his mental health to the point where he barely spoke to Phil, barely managed to get his homework in and barely even got to leave the bed. It all hurt so much, it really fucking hurt.   
There was only four more sessions left, and Dan knew he was going to die. Well that actually was a bit dramatic.

The day was Saturday, meaning he had his fifth session. This session probably was the longest yet, it started at four and ended at nearly ten o’clock. Why couldn’t he just fucking control himself? He got back just before ten and entered the room quietly. His whole body was shaking and tears quietly fell from his face. Once he sat on his bed, he just started at the wall, sniffling and wrapping his arms around himself to try and steady himself, but it didn’t work.

It had been a couple weeks since Dan had spoken to Phil, which really increased Phil’s worry. He didn’t know why Dan stopped talking to him, or talking in general. When they did speak, the conversation lasted barely seconds and ended with Dan leaving the room. They no longer had breakfast together, or ate together in general really. It wasn’t “Dan and Phil” anymore. It was just Dan and just Phil. 

Phil was especially worried when Dan entered the room one night after around six hours of therapy crying and shaking uncontrollably. His eyes widened and his eyebrows drew together into a very concerned frown. Dan said he was going to regular therapy, but regular therapy wasn’t supposed to do this to him. He shot up from the seat at his desk and went up to Dan. “Dan?” He asked and got no response. Just silence.   
That wasn’t new.   
But Phil wasn’t going to just sit there. It was time he finally understood.   
“Dan, what’s wrong?” He asked again in a soft voice, putting his hand on Dan’s shoulder causing him to flinch so he took his hand back.   
This was really bad. 

Dan shook his head, he still didn’t speak. He didn’t want to speak. This was too much now but he couldn’t stop it. He wouldn’t even dare tell Phil either because then he might try talk to the nun about it, and that could either make it worse for Dan or put it back on Phil. He didn’t want either. But this session really took a toll on him, he’d passed out three times and the shocks were worse than he’d ever had.

Bowing his head, he looked at his feet, still shaking harshly. Everything inside in told him not to tell Phil, not to hint at it, not to speak, at all. 

Phil waited for an answer. For something to come out of Dan’s mouth. But it didn’t. It never did. He sighed and scanned Dan. He was such in a horrible state. He’d never seen him this bad after therapy. What was he even doing? No wait, what were they doing to him?   
“Dan, please, you need to tell me. At least this once.” He didn’t expect an answer from Dan. Dan hadn’t been giving him answers for a while now and Phil hated that. “I just want to help..Let me help you. Please.” 

“N-no.” Dan whispered, voice distant and broken. “There’s nothing you can do to help.” He sniffled and shook his head, he exhaled shakily. It was true, Phil couldn’t fix this in any way and that wasn’t either of theirs fault. “Please just leave me alone.. I can’t do this right now..” He whispered, voice breaking as he sobbed.

“I’ve left you alone for weeks Dan! Look at you! Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong? You can’t shut me out like that, come in here crying and shaking terribly, then expect me to just leave you like that.” Phil felt his heart break at the sight, but just a small part of him was annoyed that Dan wasn’t telling him what happened. He had to know. He couldn’t stand seeing Dan like this at all and he knew he had to help. 

Dan shook his head and buried his face into his hands. God why did Phil have to care for him so much, right now wasn’t the time. “I don’t want to tell you Phil. I don’t wanna talk about it. It’s nothing! I’m cold, I’m tired, I’m hurt, I’m stressed. There, better?” He sniffled and wiped his eyes. He couldn’t tell Phil the truth. 

“No not better Dan. I can see that you’re hurt and stressed but I don’t know why you are! Clearly it’s not ‘nothing’. I barely touched you and you almost jumped. That’s something.” Phil said, looking at Dan with a frown. He couldn’t just stay there and watch Dan break down and act as if that wasn’t happening. 

“I’m just jumpy!” Dan whimpered. He tugged his hair harshly and cried softly. “You don’t fucking understand!” He shook his head and completely gave in to a sobbing and shaking mess. “Stop asking me for answers, I don’t wanna answer, I don’t!”

“Yeah exactly I don’t understand! Make me understand! For once I’d like to fucking understand what’s going on! A couple weeks ago, we were fine. Well, not really fine but at least we were talking. Now, we don’t say a word to each other. This is the first time we’ve spoken in weeks and we’re arguing!” Phil said, trying very hard to maintain a low volume because he knew if he yelled that wouldn’t make things any better. 

Dan took heavy breaths and shook his head quickly.”S-stop sh-shouting at me!” He snapped defensively. All he’s had for the last six hours were people shouting at him to do a certain thing. “I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to. Not after what happened, I’m not in the mood right now!”

“You never want to talk. You’re never in the mood. When will you wanna finally talk to me, Dan? Or is that never going to happen again. It isn’t fair! I’m trying to help you and you won’t even let me!” Phil knew that he had to stop talking or just yelling in general but he couldn’t anymore. 

Dan started to hyperventilate. Sharp breaths in and even sharper ones out. His chest rose and fell fast. “Stop.. Stop.. Stop it!” He yelled and clasped his hands over his ears. “It’s hard to be repeatedly fucking shocked every single fucking week for five fucking hours a turn and to be emotionally fucking stable!” He snapped.”Fuck you, Phil. Leave me alone.” Well crap, he just told him. That didn’t register yet.

Phil’s eyes widened with shock and he was struck with a loss for words. “You..What?” He whispered, his eyes moving from Dan to around the room as he tried to process what he was just told. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you even agree to doing the therapy? You know how badly it fucked me up! You saw how badly it fucked me up. Why did you take it? It wasn’t worth it at all!” 

“I asked you to stop yelling at me. Please stop yelling at me.” Dan requested, voice now void of all emotion. “It was worth it. I didn’t want you to be punished for something I did. I only have three more sessions left.” He looked down and layed down, curling up on the bed.

Phil sighed deeply and put his face in his hands for a couple seconds before looking back down at Dan. “I’m sorry for yelling.” He said, now in a calm tone. “But I’m not letting you go through those three sessions. It’s going to kill you, Dan. I’m surprised how it didn’t already. I’m going to go talk to her.” He said and got up from the bed. 

Dan shot up at that, standing on unstable and shaking legs. “No. No you aren’t. Please. They have no mercy, it’ll make things worse.” He said shakily, taking Phil’s wrist lightly, hand shaking. “Please..”

“Dan I-I can’t just let you go to those three sessions and know how bad it’s making you. I know they have no mercy, I’ve been dealing with them for two years. But I can’t just sit here and know that you’re suffering.” Phil said, a hint of sadness in his voice and in his eyes as he looked at Dan. “Let me to talk to her. It’ll be okay.” 

“Phil.. I’m begging you..” Dan sniffled. He didn’t want it to be worse, this was fine. “I’m going to be fine. I survived it five times, I can do it another three goddamnit..” He looked down with threatening tears again. “Please..”

Phil didn’t say anything at first. He stood there looking at Dan who was on the verge of crying and was shaking terribly and thought. How could he have let this happen? He should’ve never let Dan talk to the nun in the first place. He should’ve been the one going through the therapy, not Dan. He never wanted him to go through that, but he did anyways. “When’s your next session?” He asked in a small voice. 

“Friday..” Dan whispered and looked down at his feet. “Please don’t do anything. It’s fine as it is. The worst thing that could happen is I pass out.. Again.” He mumbled. Technically even worse could happen, as in heart issues, but he didn’t know that and the nuns probable didn’t care.

Phil frowned. “I don’t think passing out constantly is a good thing. Nothing about this is good anyways.” He sighed and shook his head,closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead with his hand for a moment before looking back at Dan. “How strong are they making the shocks..?” 

“Uh.. Uh.. I don’t know exactly, but they stopped going from low to high, they always start from how high they were the session before now..” Dan mumbled and shivered a little. “It’s a lot.. But I can do it.. I think.” He said uneasily.

Phil shook his head. “That’s so wrong!” He exclaimed. “No- Dan, I can’t. I really can’t let you go again. I’m not even kidding or being dramatic when I say it’s going to kill you. It won’t make things worse if I talk to them. I swear. I just can’t let you go.” He said and before Dan could say anything to protest, Phil left the room to go talk to the nun. There was no way he’d let Dan continue going even if there was a single session left, let alone there being three more. 

“Fuck.” Dan whispered and ran weakly after Phil, he caught up with him and grabbed his wrist. “Please! Don’t.. Phil it’s not going to get better, just worse. Plus they know you’re not the guilty one anymore, I am..”

“I don’t give a shit whether they know I’m not the guilty one or not. Go back to the dorm. You can barely stand. Which is another reason why this has to stop.” Phil frowned as he spoke. He didn’t know how he’d stop Dan from going but he knew he’d do anything to prevent him going. 

“F-fine.. But nothing is going to get better..” Dan looked down and left. He knew it wasn’t going to get better for him, he’d been told by the nuns so many times that he wasn’t leaving therapy until the two months were up and the time would be extended if they felt it wasn’t enough. But he guessed Phil could try.

Phil let out a sigh when Dan left and began walking to the nuns office. As he walked, he tried thinking of ways to get Dan to not go to the last three sessions. He’d have to lie for sure.   
Once he got to the nun’s office, he knocked on her door before slowly opening it. “Hi Miss, can I speak to you?” 

The nun looked up at his voice and immediately rolled her eyes at the sight of him. “Come in, Philip.” She said and sat up straight in her chair, folding her arms across her chest, adjusting the glasses on her face as well. 

Phil sat down uncomfortably and cleared his throat. “What you’re doing to Dan is wrong.” He stated, frowning and already having a slightly irritated tone. 

The nun raised her eyebrow and scoffed, shaking her head. “He deserves it. He already told me that he initiated it. I’m surprised actually, and very much disappointed. You ruined the poor child more than he’s already ruined.”

Phil looked at her and thought. Yeah, he had to lie. “Okay, fine. He did initiate it. But that was because I told him to.” Him saying this caused the nun to raise an eyebrow in curiosity. “The day before I told him to meet me by the lockers so it isn’t his fault. But he wasn’t lying to you when he said he started it. Please stop punishing him.” 

“And what are we meant to do now then? It’s a bit too late to confess, Philip.” 

Phil went quiet for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip. “He didn’t tell me this happened. He told me he was going to go and stop it from happening to me but he didn’t tell me he was sent to therapy. I just found out today when he came into the room about to pass out.”

The nun sighed deeply and shook his head. “Your kind is always so dramatic..” She mumbled, causing Phil to frown, offended by her words. “Fine. Daniel’s punishments will stop on one condition,” She said, raising her finger. Phil nodded, waiting for her to continue. “You will go to therapy eight times in a row to make up for Dan going and protecting you when he shouldn’t have starting the upcoming Monday.”

Well shit. Eight times? In a row? At least it wasn’t Dan going. Plus he knew how to control himself so he wouldn’t be in there for too long. He hoped for that at least. Phil gulped and nodded in response, thanking her quietly and then headed back to the dorm where Dan laid on his bed.   
“You don’t have to go.” 

Dan looked up at Phil, the whole time he’d been drifting in and out of consciousness. “What?” He whispered. “What have you done? What’s the consequence of this?” He murmured, frowning as he tried to sit up. “Please don’t tell me you’re going instead..”

“I’m just gonna go for the remaining three times that you have to go. It won’t be that bad because I can control myself so it’ll be only for an hour or two..” Phil muttered as he took off his shoes, placing them on the side. 

“No.. No I’m not letting you do that..” Dan whispered shakily and wrapped his arms around himself. “You shouldn’t have gone, I told you to not go. Phil you’re not going to them.” He looked down. “This isn’t fair.”

“Stop it. I am going to go, and you can’t do anything about it. It’s better me going than you.” Phil frowned a little but didn’t look at Dan as he spoke, and he spoke in a very neutral voice. He was now thinking about how he was going to lie to Dan eight times straight. 

“No..” Dan shook his head. “Please don’t go. Please.” He whispered and stood up, a little wobbly. “I’m going to her.. This won’t happen. What did you even tell her?”

Phil’s head snapped towards Dan when he heard him get up and immediately went up to him and stood in front of him. “No, damn it Dan you’re not going anywhere! It doesn’t matter what I told her because you’re not going. It’s only three times. It’ll be fine.” 

“I am going Phil and you can not stop me.” Dan mumbled. He was upset and that was showing through annoyance. “I was the one meant to be going, not you.” He huffed. “It’s unfair for you to go! I could stick out the last three sessions..”

“No you can’t stick out the last three sessions at all! You aren’t going and I am going to stop you Dan. I’m not letting you leave this dorm. It’s just three times. Just let me go. Please. I already feel bad enough that you had to go five times already.” Phil’s eyebrows were drawn together as he spoke and then sighed. 

Dan shook his head. “Fine! For fucks sake.” He turned and moved away. “I’m going to shower.” He whispered as he grabbed towels and clothes. He went into the bathroom and locked the door, sighing deeply before running the shower.

Phil watched Dan go into the bathroom and then let out a deep sigh as he sat down on the chair behind him. He rested his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands as he thought. It wouldn’t be that bad, right? He handled it once.   
He could handle it another..eight times..  
Whatever. For Dan he would. 

The room heated up quickly from the steam of the hot shower Dan ran. He sat on the floor of the shower, the water burning his back, he didn’t care. It was nice. Why could he let this happen. He didn’t even want Phil to go through it one more time. As he looked around, his eyes fell on the same metal that he once used to alter his skin. Should he? No, no. Don’t. The temptation was there.. Not yet.   
It had been about an hour of sitting in the shower now, not even washing. By this point he was becoming light headed from the heat and the shocks from what happened earlier.

Dan had been sitting in the shower for far too long once again and that—once again— caused Phil to worry. He went up to the bathroom door and placed his ear next to it. “Dan? Are you alright?” He called out, anxiously tapping his fingers on his thigh. 

“Mhm.” Dan hummed loudly. “Just showering.” He yawned and sighed, closing his eyes and tilting his head back so the water fell over his face. “Of course I’m alright.. Why worry?” He chuckled, lightly.

“Because you’ve been in there for an hour.” Phil replied and sighed softly. “I was just asking anyways.” He said, his sentence trailing into a mumble halfway and then headed back towards his bed. 

About another 30 minutes later, Dan turned off the shower, he got out, dried and wrapped a robe around himself. He sat on the floor to take a break as he still felt light headed and slowly but steadily fell out of consciousness, practically just a very much needed sleep as he’d been missing out on it.

Now Phil was really worried. It had been nearly two hours and Dan wasn’t out. He got back up from his bed and knocked on the door. “Dan?” He called out once more. No reply. “Dan? Answer me. Are you okay?” He knocked again, harder this time. 

Dan didn’t budge. He was still asleep, head rested on his own shoulder and knees pulled up ever so slightly. It wasn’t exactly a sleep either, he’d passed out due to lack of sleep and constant shocks coursing through him every week. 

“Fuck..” Phil whispered and began panicking. He banged his fist on the door a couple times before trying with the door knob. It was locked. Why wouldn’t Dan answer him? He muttered a few curses to himself and began pacing around the room for a couple moments before going back to the door and knocking on it very loudly and called out Dan’s name again. 

When he got no response again, he began searching for a spare bathroom key. Once he found it, he quickly unlocked the bathroom door and saw Dan on the floor. He sighed and scratched his forehead, thinking about what to do. He picked Dan up from the floor, losing his balance for a moment because Dan wasn’t exactly light but then caught himself. He laid Dan down on his bed and looked at him with a sad expression.   
What was he meant to do now?   
Dress him because he couldn’t sleep in a robe.  
So he did, and once he was done putting Dan in his pajamas —which took several minutes to do— he properly put him to bed and then went to his own bed where he then slowly but eventually fell asleep. 

Dan actually woke up the next morning, but the room was spinning. He shook his head and went under the covers. He didn’t want to be awake, he didn’t want to face the day. Maybe another day, or week, or month. Just not today.. What even happened yesterday? The last thing he remembered was getting out the shower. 

When Phil woke up, the first thing he did was let out an annoyed grown and pulled the covers over his head. After overheating underneath the sheets, he sat up straight and sighed. He silently went over everything that happened yesterday and sighed to himself. The next week was going to be complete shit and Phil wasn’t ready at all. 

Dan stretched and groaned, yawning under his covers. He wasn’t going to move. Nope. He’d be fine skipping meals, he’d practically not eaten the same since he moved anyway. He was just fine. 

Phil got up from his bed and went to the bathroom, got washed up and then went back out. He began to pace around the room for no specific reason really, he was just bored. He could sit in bed but he didn’t really want to. He looked over at Dan who was sleeping—well, he didn’t know if he was sleeping— beneath the covers and sighed. Yesterday was a lot. 

Dan eventually got out of the covers as it started to feel a little suffocating. He sat up and frowned, rubbing his eyes. “Morning.” He mumbled and yawned. 

“Morning.” Phil replied back, smiling faintly. He sighed and folded his arms across his chest. “You, uh, passed out yesterday on the bathroom floor.” He said and sat down at his bed. 

“Oh.” Dan whispered. That made sense. “Thanks for the help..” He murmured and closed his eyes, yawning again. 

“It’s no problem.” Phil said, smiling a little. “How are you feeling?” He asked, tilting his head a little. 

“Really tired.” Dan murmured and sighed. “It’s been a lot..” He shrugged and bit his lip. “But.. I’m fine right now..”

Phil nodded, looking away for a moment then looked back at Dan. “That’s good..” He said and sighed a little. “Hungry?” 

Dan shook his head. “No.” He replied and laid down again, wrapping up in the blanket and sighing. 

“Oh.” Phil simply said and sighed, also laying back down. 

That was how the week went between them. They, once again, didn’t speak as much and the conversations were dry.   
Phil went to the therapy which lasted for more than two hours unfortunately —because apparently controlling himself was a lot harder than he thought—every single day for eight days, lying to Dan saying he was going to the library or to get something to eat every time he went. Every session was worse than the last and on the last day he came back to the dorm completely dazed and walking unsteadily, kind of like if you were drunk.   
But a thousand times worse. 

When he entered the dorm, he shut the door and then stumbled backwards onto it, now leaning against the door, letting out a deep sigh as he tried to regulate his breathing with his eyes closed, completely forgetting that Dan was in the room as well. He was surprised he went through the entire eight days and still had a mostly functioning brain because one more day of that therapy would’ve most likely killed him. His hands were shaking when he looked down at them so he stuck them in his pockets, tilting his head back against the door. His vision was blurry and what he could see was constantly spinning, and he could certainly hear his heart beating in his ears as well as a distant high pitched ringing. They did the same thing to Phil as they did to Dan: They didn’t go from low to high, it was high and beyond. At least he was finally done and now none of them had to go through that ever again. 

Dan was worried. Phil never went to the library and he was ‘getting food’ out of cafeteria hours. He didn’t believe it. Phil had been lying, hadn’t he?

What sparked his worry was when Phil came in looking completely dishevelled. That’s when he knew it was a lie. God-fucking-damnit. All he knew was he hated himself for letting that happen to Phil. “Why did you lie to me?” He whispered, sat up, looking down. 

Oh shit. This was bad. But it was fine cause therapy was over and Dan couldn’t do anything about it. “I-I didn’t lie to you.” Phil slurred, shaking his head as he spoke, standing up straight and bringing his head down to look at Dan through heavy eyelids. Due to his terrible vision state, he saw around three versions of Dan for a moment sitting on the bed before he only saw one. 

“Yes you did.. You said you were going to the last three. You’ve been going all week, haven’t you?” Dan asked, voice full of upset and tiredness. He was emotionally absent at this minute and everything was upsetting him. “Why would you lie?”

“I did go to the last three.” Phil said, voice emotionless, ignoring the other parts of Dan’s question, and blinking a couple of times to try and see clearly. He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for a second. Taking a step forward would surely tip him over. 

Dan shook his head. “I’m not fucking stupid Phil, as much as you wanna think I am.” He scoffed. “You’ve been all week. You lied to me. Why would you do that..?”

Phil rolled his eyes and sighed. “I don’t think you’re stupid Dan.” He muttered. “It doesn’t matter why. It’s over now.” 

Dan laughed dryly. “Should have known.. God how idiotic of me.” He hummed and chewed his lip. “I didn’t even want you helping in the fucking first place, Phil. I could have continued” He mumbled. 

“I’m fine.” Phil said, frowning a little. “And no you couldn’t have continued. I’d rather do what I did then have you go through those last three times because you couldn’t have handled it any longer.” 

“I could have, for fucks sake. You seemed to have made it through like eight times, I’m sure I could have done three!” Dan sighed deeply and laid back. 

“You did five times and came in here sobbing. Could you have really?” Phil asked with an eyebrow raised as he began walking towards his bed, leaning his hand on the wall for balance and support. 

“Yes!” Dan muttered. “I’m not that fucking weak Phil.” He shook his head. “But whatever.. I guess.”

“I didn’t say you’re weak! I did it so you wouldn’t get hurt anymore. Plus, you also lied to me about going to regular therapy when you didn’t. So we’re even.” Phil sat down on the bed and sighed. 

“You know what? Whatever. Fucking whatever.” Dan closed his eyes. This was shit. He felt so horrible Phil had to deal with it when he could have. Everything was fucked, anyway. 

Phil looked at Dan in silence for a couple seconds before shrugging a little and laid down on his bed, facing the wall. He let out a sigh and closed his eyes. After several moments of very uncomfortable and awkward silence, Phil turned to lay on his back. “I’m sorry, okay? I just- I didn’t want you to get hurt more than you already did get hurt emotionally and physically. It was really bad for you and if it meant that I had to go through it eight times for you to not do it three more, I’d do it. And I did. Even if you didn’t ask me to. I did it because I care too much to risk losing you permanently, even though I might’ve lost you now.” 

Dan closed his eyes. He didn’t know what to think anymore. Yes it might have been out of kindness, but it hurt him to see Phil hurt. Oh and to know it was his fault. “Thank you for caring, but you got hurt for something that was my fault. It was unfair.”

Phil sighed and turned his head to look at Dan with his eyebrows drawn together slightly. “You don’t deserve to get hurt even if it is your fault. It’s both of our faults.”

Dan sighed and hummed. “Not really but okay.” He muttered. What even happened with them? It was all ruined really. Was there even any going back?

They sat for a while not saying a word to each other which Phil really hated. “This is how we’re gonna stay?” Was what he said to break the silence between them. 

Dan looked at him for a second. He felt so bad. “I don’t want it to..” He murmured. “I don’t know what to do though..”

“How did we..How did we go back to normal when the situation with Alex happened..?” Phil asked, looking at Dan with his eyebrows furrowed. 

“This isn’t even close to what that was. And it took a while.. I think.” Dan shook his head and covered his face. 

Phil sighed deeply, tilting his head back. “This sucks..” He mumbled, looking up at the ceiling and going quiet for a bit as he thought. 

“No kidding.” Dan mumbled, sighing deeply. “It’s gonna take a lot to fix this. A real lot.” He bit his lip. 

Phil nodded and brought his eyes back down to Dan. “I wish we could use some sort of device to forget all this. Like in the Matrix.” He said and sighed. 

Dan chuckled, very lightly, and sighed. “If only..” He murmured and closed his eyes, running his hand through his hair. 

“What if you hit me on the head really hard so I forget then I do the same to you?” Phil said, trying to lighten up the mood a little. Trying to bring things back like how they used to be. 

Dan shook his head, breathing out a laugh. “Mhm good idea.” He murmured quietly and looked at the ceiling. 

Phil sighed a little and pressed his lips into a thin line then chuckled at the whole situation they were in. Nothing was funny as in actually funny. It was just funny how everything was blown away in a day, and now they were back at zero.   
In fact, zero would be better than how they were now. They were just below zero at this point and it was awful. 

Dan don’t know or what to think now. Everything was gone. All the trying from what happened before seemed like it was for nothing. He closed his eyes then and yawned. His head hurt from trying to think. What was the point?

“I, uh, think I’m gonna go get changed to go to bed.” Phil said in a quiet voice as he got up from the bed, tilting a bit to the side when he got up since he stood up too fast but caught himself. He got his pajamas and then headed to the bathroom to change. 

Dan nodded. He was already in his pyjamas so all he did was get under the sheets and lay down so his back was to the whole room. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. It’d be easy to sleep, probably. 

After Phil got ready for bed, he went and crawled into his own bed. Even though Dan was across the room, he still missed him. For them to be in this state really hurt because they were going to stay like this for a while unfortunately. He turned off the lamp on his nightstand as he said “Goodnight.” In a quiet voice, and laid his head on the pillow, slowly falling asleep after an exhausting day. 

“Night..” Dan whispered quietly and just looked at the wall for a while. Then he steadily fell asleep. He was exhausted, mostly just emotionally.


End file.
